God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.
There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!'
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ?
The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.
I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.
I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.
What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute!
Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.
What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.
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