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Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?

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24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Steven Alexander Wright

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If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?

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I wonder, we lazy people go to heaven... or do they send someone to pick us up?

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If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you.

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Does anyone else have plastic bags full of plastic bags or is it just me?

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Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible?

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Turn signal.

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.

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What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.

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If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

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How does a train eat? Chew, Chew...

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What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? Don't look, I'm changing.

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Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'?

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What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies.

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Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?

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