Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?
Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red!
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
Naked Gun (Movie)
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why was the rabbit chasing the frog? Because the frog kept calling out "riaabit.. riabbit.."
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.
We have to do the impossible, but it is possible.
Kevin Garnett
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
You never run out of things that can go wrong.
Edward A. Murphy (Murphy's Law)
Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?
When is yelling during a robbery a bad idea? When you have gold teeth.
Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.
