I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'
Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.
I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car.
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car.
I only want one thing from fake people: distance.
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.
Did a cartwheel the other day, thinking it was like riding a bike. It's not.
People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act.
I don't mean to interrupt people, I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
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