What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown
When I saw the monkeys at the zoo it reminded me of watching political debates on TV.
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.
What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!"
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!
You can teach a cat to do anything that it wants to do.
What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.'
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!
Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah.
Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first.
Smile like a monkey with a new banana.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?
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