Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side.
When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. Anonymous
You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside. Anonymous
Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them. Anonymous
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
Why does the bad piano player refuse to play when you offer him $100 to play? The neighbour already gave him $200 to stop playing. Anonymous
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing. Anonymous