Life Quotes

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If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them. - Anonymous

If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them. Anonymous

People Quotes Phone Short Quotes

Be bold, be italic, but never regular. - Anonymous

Be bold, be italic, but never regular. Anonymous

Never Quotes Short Quotes

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Anonymous

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth. - Anonymous

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth. Anonymous

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work. - Anonymous

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work. Anonymous

Short Quotes Work Quotes

Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams! - Anonymous

Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams! Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

I burned my Hawaiian pizza today. Should've cooked it on aloha temperature. Anonymous

I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again! - Anonymous

I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again! Anonymous

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes Wise Quotes

How do you feel when the coffee machine is out coffee? Depresso. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute! - Anonymous

What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute! Anonymous

One day you're 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you're 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice. - Anonymous

One day you're 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you're 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice. Anonymous

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin

Man Quotes Short Quotes

Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living. - Anonymous

Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100 Work Quotes

When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work. - Anonymous

When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work. Anonymous

We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.

We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Anonymous

Love Quotes Short Quotes

Be kind to people, and if that's too much to ask for then just be weird to people. It's the least you can do. Anonymous

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to. - Anonymous

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to. Anonymous

In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you. - Anonymous

In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you. Anonymous

Love Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. - Anonymous

I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. Anonymous

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%. - Anonymous

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

Tried going out with my girlfriend but by the time she finished putting on her makeup the weekend was over.

Tried going out with my girlfriend but by the time she finished putting on her makeup the weekend was over. Anonymous

I don't know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up. - Anonymous

I don't know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up. Anonymous

Whenever I have a headache I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle. Anonymous

I have a new hair style today, it's called "I tried." - Anonymous

I have a new hair style today, it's called "I tried." Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

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