I remember years ago when all I wanted is to be older. I was wrong!!
If you're all wrapped up in yourself then you are overdressed.
Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today.
Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.
Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams!
Life is too short to worry about matching socks.
I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
Learning a foreign language is pointless, I’m not even allowed to talk to strangers.
If I'm silent it's because there's thunder inside me. Or I'm just chilling, may the odds be in your favor.
Ironing boards are surf boards that quit before achieving their dream. Don't be an ironing board.
I'm not really a control freak, but... can I show the right way to do that?
If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.
Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things.
Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom.
My hobbies include eating and complaining that I've gained too much weight.
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.
Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.
Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.
So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.
I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.
Parenthood, the scariest hood to go through.
You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach.
I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.
I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.
