Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today.
I remember years ago when all I wanted is to be older. I was wrong!!
So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.
If you're all wrapped up in yourself then you are overdressed.
I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams!
Life is too short to worry about matching socks.
I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.
Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom.
Learning a foreign language is pointless, I’m not even allowed to talk to strangers.
I'm not really a control freak, but... can I show the right way to do that?
Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things.
If I'm silent it's because there's thunder inside me. Or I'm just chilling, may the odds be in your favor.
If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.
Ironing boards are surf boards that quit before achieving their dream. Don't be an ironing board.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why we call it the "present."
Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.
I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.
My hobbies include eating and complaining that I've gained too much weight.
Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.
Some friends are like the wind, some are like mountains. They come in and breeze out of your life, or they are there for a lifetime.
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.
You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach.
Parenthood, the scariest hood to go through.
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