You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep.
Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today.
I remember years ago when all I wanted is to be older. I was wrong!!
If you're all wrapped up in yourself then you are overdressed.
Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams!
Life is too short to worry about matching socks.
I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
If I'm silent it's because there's thunder inside me. Or I'm just chilling, may the odds be in your favor.
Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom.
I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.
Learning a foreign language is pointless, I’m not even allowed to talk to strangers.
Ironing boards are surf boards that quit before achieving their dream. Don't be an ironing board.
I'm not really a control freak, but... can I show the right way to do that?
So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.
If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.
I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.
Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things.
My hobbies include eating and complaining that I've gained too much weight.
Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.
Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.
You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach.
Parenthood, the scariest hood to go through.
Some friends are like the wind, some are like mountains. They come in and breeze out of your life, or they are there for a lifetime.
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