I know how to live my life to the fullest.. but let's speak later after I finish playing some computer games.
Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
Parenthood, the scariest hood to go through.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
Retirement is great, you get to be your own boss and tell yourself to do nothing all day.
When you're thinking that I'm thinking of you, I'm thinking you're thinking of me.
If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.
I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom.
Tried going out with my girlfriend but by the time she finished putting on her makeup the weekend was over.
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Dear life, I understand very clearly that you are not fair so you can stop teaching me that lesson.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
If you're all wrapped up in yourself then you are overdressed.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, that way if something goes wrong I have somebody to blame other than myself.
In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you.
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