Be bold, be italic, but never regular.
I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape.
You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.
Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.
I don't like violence but I don't mind if I get hit by luck.
Start each day with a positive thought, like: "I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours."
I only have one wish in life... For all my dreams to come true.
I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.
Be warned: I'm bored. This could get dangerous.
If you're going through hell, keep going.
Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.
Be kind to people, and if that's too much to ask for then just be weird to people. It's the least you can do.
I hate it when people ask me to watch their stuff. Like what happens if someone comes and actually tries to steal it? Do I have to fight them? I'm not ready.
Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I'm ducking so it hits someone else.
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.
I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.
If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.
I don't want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.
I burned my Hawaiian pizza today. Should've cooked it on aloha temperature.
One day you're 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you're 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.
I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.
I don't want to adult today, I just want to dog. I'll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.
This too shall pass... It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
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