I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.
Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day.
If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.
I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.
All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.
I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.
If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won't feel like you are lonely any more.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
Life doesn't have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.
Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles M. Schulz
I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today.
When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.
Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams!
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.
I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.
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