The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.
Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.
You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?
Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date.
Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it's only Thursday.
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut.
I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!
Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?
I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today.
The alphabet begins with ABC, numbers begin with 123, music begins with do-re-mi, and friendship begins with you and me.
Two mysterious people live in my house. "Somebody" and "Nobody." Somebody did it and nobody knows who.
My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can't sleep.
I don't understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can't remember why I walked into the kitchen.
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
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