I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.
I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.
Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.
What type of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly squats.
If every day is a gift, then today I got socks.
"Don't worry you'll live." What are you a doctor or something?
Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I'm like... I went to the grocery store.
I don't know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.
If you think nobody cares that you're alive try missing a couple of payments.
You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold.
Another fine day ruined by responsibilities...
I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them.
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money.
Me: What a terrible day. Mom: Be more positive! Me: What a beautiful terrible day.
Whenever I have a headache I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.
Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can't beat surfing the net.
Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.
Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
"Tomorrow is another day..." Oh sorry, I thought the world is ending today.
Childhood injuries: Fell off my bike, fell out of a tree, twisted my ankle. Adult injuries: Slept wrong, sat down too long, sneezed too hard.
I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life.... hibernation.
I'm slowly becoming an adult... please make it stop.
How do you feel when the coffee machine is out coffee? Depresso.
I'm not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
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