If every day is a gift, then today I got socks.
Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I'm like... I went to the grocery store.
Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.
"Don't worry you'll live." What are you a doctor or something?
What type of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly squats.
You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold.
I don't know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.
I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.
Some friends are like the wind, some are like mountains. They come in and breeze out of your life, or they are there for a lifetime.
Another fine day ruined by responsibilities...
I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them.
Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can't beat surfing the net.
Me: What a terrible day. Mom: Be more positive! Me: What a beautiful terrible day.
Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money.
Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.
"Tomorrow is another day..." Oh sorry, I thought the world is ending today.
Childhood injuries: Fell off my bike, fell out of a tree, twisted my ankle. Adult injuries: Slept wrong, sat down too long, sneezed too hard.
I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life.... hibernation.
Be bold, be italic, but never regular.
Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
I don't like violence but I don't mind if I get hit by luck.
I'm not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.
I only have one wish in life... For all my dreams to come true.
I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2019