Sorry I didn't pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Anonymous
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
I stretch my arms, I bend my knees, I straighten my neck, and they are all crunching. Conclusion: I'm not getting older, I'm getting more crunchy. Anonymous
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows. Anonymous
Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams! Anonymous
I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again! Anonymous
Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute. Anonymous
When I take a shower I'm: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions. Anonymous
The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place. Anonymous
Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today. Anonymous
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza. Anonymous
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