If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won't feel like you are lonely any more.
I think I've discovered the secret of life, you just hang around until you get used to it.
Life is always rocky when you're a gem.
I don't mean to interrupt people, I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.
I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!
Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.
I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.
The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us.
That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another....
Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.
Life is too short to remove USB safely.
A day without coffee is like something without something.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.
I'm stuck between "I need to save money" and "You only live once."
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wish bone, a back bone, and a funny bone.
I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars.
Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
Smiles are contagious... be a carrier.
I have a new hair style today, it's called "I tried."
Dear life, I understand very clearly that you are not fair so you can stop teaching me that lesson.
In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you.
I know how to live my life to the fullest.. but let's speak later after I finish playing some computer games.
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2019