Life Quotes

If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.

I'm so tired of saying "Oh darn, forgot to put on my mask." Like I'm Batman or something.

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars."

I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.

Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money.

Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day.

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.

Some friends are like the wind, some are like mountains. They come in and breeze out of your life, or they are there for a lifetime.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...

The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Be warned: I'm bored. This could get dangerous.

Whenever I have a headache I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.