All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.
The secret of success is to go from mistake to mistake without losing your enthusiasm.
If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.
Some friends are like the wind, some are like mountains. They come in and breeze out of your life, or they are there for a lifetime.
Life is too short to remove USB safely.
When life gives you lemons, follow the five-step plan:
1.Sit on the couch.
2.Turn on the TV.
3.Throw lemons at life.
4.Force life to make lemonade for you.
5.Drink the lemonade.
If only common sense were more common.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep.
I'm not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.
The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously.
"Tomorrow is another day..." Oh sorry, I thought the world is ending today.
Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money.
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