Make yourself at home... clean my kitchen.
I need a timeout. Send me to the beach and don't let me come back until I change my attitude.
In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you.
That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge.
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living.
I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed.
Tried going out with my girlfriend but by the time she finished putting on her makeup the weekend was over.
Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.
Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
Dear sleep, I'm sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!
Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.
I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom.
I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it's only Thursday.
I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.
When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you're not home.
I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today.
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.
I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.
