My hobbies include eating and complaining that I've gained too much weight.
I didn't mean to gain weight, it just happened by snackcident.
It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit any more.
My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.
Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.
Now that I'm quarantined, I finally realize that my only true hobbies were shopping and eating out.
I'm not sure what is more scary these days, checking my temperature or checking my weight.
I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.
I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs.
Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.
If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.
Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.
How does a train eat? Chew, Chew...
I eat cake because it's someone's birthday somewhere today.
The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.
Alcohol doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean... against tables, chairs and walls.
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.
I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.
I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge.
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