What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living.
At the end of the day life should ask us "Are you sure you want to save the changes?"
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
Naked Gun (Movie)
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
William Charles Dement
The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red!
Why was the rabbit chasing the frog? Because the frog kept calling out "riaabit.. riabbit.."
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'
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