Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars." Anonymous
I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Anonymous
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does! Anonymous
Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation. Anonymous
Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones. Anonymous
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Anonymous
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life. Anonymous
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Husband: I am a grown man, stop mothering me. Also husband: Have you seen my keys? Have you seen my wallet? Where did we park? I don't have clean underwear. Anonymous
I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again! Anonymous
I don't want to adult today, I just want to dog. I'll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks. Anonymous
If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth. Anonymous
I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot. Anonymous
Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today. Anonymous
Sorry I didn't pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Anonymous
If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.
Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. Anonymous
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