Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.
Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!
What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.
The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.
You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.
Henry Louis Mencken
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date.
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut.
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.
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