Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook.
I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars.
A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed.
What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute!
At the end of the day life should ask us "Are you sure you want to save the changes?"
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.
So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.
Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?
I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living.
Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them?
In life, we must find happiness. I've been looking everywhere and still haven't found it.
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars."
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date.
Me: For the first time in life, things seem to be getting better. :) Life: LOL, give me a second!
If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.
I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.
Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.
I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
