Anonymous Quote

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

Ronnie Shakes

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

Steven Alexander Wright

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Steven Alexander Wright

Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway!

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'

Anonymous

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Eric Morecambe

Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!

Anonymous

My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.

Anonymous

My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.

Anonymous

I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.

Anonymous

I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best ones argon.

Anonymous

My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty.

Anonymous

I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all.

Anonymous

Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them?

Anonymous

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Anonymous

I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.

Anonymous

If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.

Anonymous