Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes Sayings

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. - Anonymous

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. Anonymous

Sayings Top 100

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Anonymous

Life Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

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You have Facebook? Yup. You have Whatsapp? Yup. You have love? Forgot to install it. - Anonymous

You have Facebook? Yup. You have Whatsapp? Yup. You have love? Forgot to install it. Anonymous

Facebook Love Quotes Top 100

I don't know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours. Anonymous

I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding. - Anonymous

I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes Witty Quotes

Don't vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn't even on. - Anonymous

Don't vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn't even on. Anonymous

People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act. - Anonymous

People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done. Anonymous

Know Quotes Never Quotes Sayings

I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money. - Anonymous

I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money. Anonymous

Money Quotes Top 100

Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? - Anonymous

Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Top 100

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. - Anonymous

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. Anonymous

Life Quotes Questions Top 100

No, no, I'm listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once. - Anonymous

No, no, I'm listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once. Anonymous

How was the dog's day? Ruff. - Anonymous

How was the dog's day? Ruff. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes Short Quotes

I just spent half an hour looking for my phone in the car, using the flashlight on my phone. Anonymous

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The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place. Anonymous

At the end of the day life should ask us "Are you sure you want to save the changes?" - Anonymous

At the end of the day life should ask us "Are you sure you want to save the changes?" Anonymous

Life Quotes Questions

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries! - Anonymous

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries! Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes Wise Quotes

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved. - Anonymous

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved. Anonymous

Math Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.

Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer. Anonymous

Beer Quotes Drinking Eat Quotes

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. Anonymous

I love all mythical creatures... vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen. Anonymous

Friendship is like peeing on yourself.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. Anonymous

Analogies Friend Quotes Top 100

When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work. - Anonymous

When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes