A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck.
The only relationship I have is with my Wi-Fi. We have a connection.
Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why we call it the "present."
It's hard to find a friend who is 95% talented, 96% funny, 98% loving, 99% intelligent and 100% sweet. So don't you dare lose me!
On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.
My prince is not coming on a white horse... He's obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost.
They call it "fell asleep" but it should be more like "entered a mental state of regeneration."
How to do sit-ups: Lay down, hands behind your head. Wow, this is a good position for a nap. Maybe I'll just take a nap.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
One day you're 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you're 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.
That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don't know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.
My new year resolutions: 1. Stop procrastinating so much. 2. I'll post the rest tomorrow or whenever.
Be bold, be italic, but never regular.
I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars.
It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them.
Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing.
It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.
Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.
I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.
I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.
I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
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