Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I told my boss three companies were looking after me and I needed a raise. He asked who they were, so told him the gas, electric and cable company. Anonymous
Work Quotes
I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem? - Anonymous
I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem? Anonymous
Top 100 Witty Quotes
Don't vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn't even on. - Anonymous
Don't vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn't even on. Anonymous
Wise Quotes
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I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that." - Anonymous
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that." Anonymous
Statements
Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed and permanently set.
Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed and permanently set. Anonymous
Short Quotes Think Quotes
My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. - Anonymous
My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Anonymous
Money Quotes Short Quotes Top 100
Alcohol doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean... against tables, chairs and walls.
Alcohol doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean... against tables, chairs and walls. Anonymous
Drinking Sayings
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. - Anonymous
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Anonymous
Beer Quotes Drinking Know Quotes
Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake. - Anonymous
Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Friend Quotes Know Quotes
I put the "Pro" in procrastinate. - Anonymous
I put the "Pro" in procrastinate. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart. - Anonymous
Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart. Anonymous
Love Quotes Marriage Quotes
Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face. - Anonymous
Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Life Quotes
Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far. - Anonymous
Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far. Anonymous
Sleep Quotes
That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man." - Anonymous
That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man." Anonymous
Man Quotes Moments
Cheer myself up.
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems. Anonymous
Moments Time Quotes Top 100

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