Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep. - Anonymous

When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep. Anonymous

Sleep Quotes Statements Work Quotes

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave. - Anonymous

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time. - Anonymous

Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time. Anonymous

Money Quotes Statements Time Quotes

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you. Anonymous

Math Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

$I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved. - Anonymous$

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved. Anonymous

Math Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. - Anonymous

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Anonymous

Animals People Quotes Short Quotes

When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!! - Anonymous

When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!! Anonymous

Time Quotes Work Quotes

I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today. - Anonymous

I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today. Anonymous

Know Quotes Life Quotes People Quotes

Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed. - Anonymous

Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us. - Anonymous

The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us. Anonymous

Life Quotes Never Quotes Statements

If your New Years Resolution was to eat out less, you're killing it. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.

I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it. Anonymous

Know Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. - Anonymous

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Questions Short Quotes

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads. - Anonymous

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

My prince is not coming on a white horse... He's obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost.

My prince is not coming on a white horse... He's obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost. Anonymous

Love Quotes Marriage Quotes

Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!

Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could! Anonymous

Know Quotes Stupid Quotes

Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits. - Anonymous

Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits. Anonymous

Sayings Stupid Quotes

If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? - Anonymous

If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Anonymous

Questions Sayings Short Quotes

That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man." - Anonymous

That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man." Anonymous

Man Quotes Moments

Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones. - Anonymous

Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones. Anonymous

Life Quotes People Quotes Phone

Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. - Anonymous

Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Anonymous

Beer Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Life Quotes

If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook. - Anonymous

If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook. Anonymous

Facebook Life Quotes Work Quotes

Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.

Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Statements