Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.

Short Quotes Animals

Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Beer Quotes

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!

Sayings Think Quotes Sleep Quotes

If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

Wise Quotes Sayings

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I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me...

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy.

Stupid Quotes Life Quotes Happy Quotes

When I stare at the sky, I see you. When I stare out into the ocean, I see you. When I'm looking at the moon, I see you. Geez! Would you move aside, you're constantly getting in my way!

Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts.

Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!

Marriage Quotes Live Quotes People Quotes

I don't understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Short Quotes People Quotes

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

Short Quotes Questions Eat Quotes

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Don't make me laugh, I'm trying to be mad at you.

Short Quotes Moments

If it's the fifth day in a row that you don't feel like working, it means it's finally Friday!

Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Short Quotes Lazy Quotes Drinking

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

Stupid Quotes Sayings World Quotes

If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running.

If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.

Stupid Quotes Life Quotes Sayings

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don't answer because I'm eating.

Love Quotes Eat Quotes Money Quotes

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing.

Short Quotes Eat Quotes