Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck. - Anonymous

Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck.

Top 100 Witty Quotes

The only relationship I have is with my Wi-Fi. We have a connection. - Anonymous

The only relationship I have is with my Wi-Fi. We have a connection.

Computers Love Quotes People Quotes

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account? - Anonymous

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Money Quotes Questions

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why we call it the "present."

It's hard to find a friend who is 95% talented, 96% funny, 98% loving, 99% intelligent and 100% sweet. So don't you dare lose me!

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic. - Anonymous

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Analogies Short Quotes

My prince is not coming on a white horse... He's obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost.

My prince is not coming on a white horse... He's obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost.

Love Quotes Marriage Quotes

They call it "fell asleep" but it should be more like "entered a mental state of regeneration." - Anonymous

They call it "fell asleep" but it should be more like "entered a mental state of regeneration."

How to do sit-ups: Lay down, hands behind your head. Wow, this is a good position for a nap. Maybe I'll just take a nap.

Lazy Quotes Sleep Quotes

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it. - Anonymous

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

People Quotes Short Quotes Statements

One day you're 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you're 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice. - Anonymous

One day you're 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you're 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Eat Quotes Life Quotes

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don't know whether to get dressed or fake an illness. - Anonymous

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don't know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Moments Work Quotes

My new year resolutions: 1. Stop procrastinating so much. 2. I'll post the rest tomorrow or whenever. - Anonymous

My new year resolutions: 1. Stop procrastinating so much. 2. I'll post the rest tomorrow or whenever.

Be bold, be italic, but never regular. - Anonymous

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

Life Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars. - Anonymous

I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars.

Life Quotes Money Quotes Short Quotes

It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them. - Anonymous

It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them.

Sayings Top 100 Work Quotes

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing. - Anonymous

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.

It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you. - Anonymous

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Animals Cat Quotes Short Quotes

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though. - Anonymous

I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Short Quotes Top 100 Witty Quotes

I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. - Anonymous

I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.

Know Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy. - Anonymous

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

Lazy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Man Quotes Questions