Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. - Anonymous

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

Money Quotes People Quotes Sayings

When I try on an outfit and it doesn't make me look good, I just throw it on the floor. Like, no, you don't deserve to be hung up, think about what you've done. - Anonymous

When I try on an outfit and it doesn't make me look good, I just throw it on the floor. Like, no, you don't deserve to be hung up, think about what you've done.

Good Quotes Sayings Stupid Quotes

I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like. - Anonymous

I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Know Quotes Never Quotes Sayings

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys. - Anonymous

What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.

Animals Questions Short Quotes

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks. - Anonymous

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Money Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

I look at the moon and it looks really beautiful!.. Then I look at you... and.. I think I'll look at the moon again?!

I look at the moon and it looks really beautiful!.. Then I look at you... and.. I think I'll look at the moon again?!

People Quotes Think Quotes Wife Quotes

I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend. - Anonymous

I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend.

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I'm ducking so it hits someone else. - Anonymous

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I'm ducking so it hits someone else.

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. - Anonymous

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Time Quotes

I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it. - Anonymous

I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

Sayings Short Quotes Statements

The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us. - Anonymous

The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us.

Life Quotes Never Quotes Statements

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Man Quotes Questions

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.

Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.

Eat Quotes Moments Short Quotes

When you fall, I will be there to catch you.

When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.

Sayings Short Quotes

All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. - Anonymous

All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.

Eat Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!' - Anonymous

You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!'

Sayings Short Quotes Time Quotes

Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe. - Anonymous

Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe.

Love Quotes Short Quotes

I'm a ninja! No you're not. Did you see that? See what? Exactly! - Anonymous

I'm a ninja! No you're not. Did you see that? See what? Exactly!

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. - Anonymous

A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up.

Analogies Short Quotes

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck. - Anonymous

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do. - Anonymous

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.

Exercise Quotes Sayings Short Quotes