A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I'm ducking so it hits someone else.
I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.
Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.
Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.
When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.
All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.
You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!'
Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe.
A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up.
The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.
I'm a ninja! No you're not. Did you see that? See what? Exactly!
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn't even know they knew how to knit.
That awkward moment when you've said "What?" three times, so you just say "Oh, yeah.." even though you have no idea what they said.
I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.
Give me your photo so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.
I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me.
Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms.
Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
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