A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you.
Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?
I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
Stop destroying the Earth, it's where I keep all my stuff.
Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?
When nothing is going right, go left.
I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I'll shop.
That annoying moment when you're texting someone and auto-correct decides to join the conversation.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars."
My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.
My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.
Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom.
Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why we call it the "present."
Beginner pilot rules:
1. The propeller is just a big fan made to cool down the pilot in the cockpit. When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating excessively.
2. You don't have to take off, but landing is mandatory.
3. Pushing forward on the flight stick makes the earth look bigger, pulling makes it look smaller.
If you pull too much or too long however, it will look bigger yet again.
4. Flying is safe as long as you don't crash.
5. It's better to wish you were flying than to wish you were on the ground.
6. A good landing is a landing in which everyone walks away.
7. Besides affecting apples, gravity also affects planes.
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.
I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.
That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.
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