Anonymous Funny Quotes
A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
Anonymous
My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot.
Anonymous
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.
Anonymous
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
Anonymous
That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
Anonymous
Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.
Anonymous
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Anonymous
The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.
Anonymous
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
Anonymous