Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave. - Anonymous

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act. - Anonymous

People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes. - Anonymous

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes. Anonymous

Facebook Friend Quotes Short Quotes

Sponsored Links

If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running. - Anonymous

If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running. Anonymous

Sayings Top 100

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. - Anonymous

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. Anonymous

Facebook TV Quotes Time Quotes

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads. - Anonymous

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching.

Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house. Anonymous

Marriage Quotes

I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits." - Anonymous

I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits." Anonymous

Facebook Friend Quotes Top 100

How can you hurt someone with words? Hit them with a dictionary. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.

My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Anonymous

Life Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. - Anonymous

I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Statements Top 100

If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos? - Anonymous

If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos? Anonymous

Questions Stupid Quotes Top 100

Me watching Olympics: Woah! That was outstanding! Announcer: Another devastating mistake. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes TV Quotes Top 100

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars." - Anonymous

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars." Anonymous

Know Quotes Life Quotes Money Quotes

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take.

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away. Anonymous

Life Quotes Moments Top 100

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I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it. - Anonymous

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it. Anonymous

Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid." - Anonymous

Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid." Anonymous

Facebook Short Quotes Top 100

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor. - Anonymous

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me...

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. Anonymous

Sayings Top 100

A person who always disturbs you is a person who loves you. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me. - Anonymous

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me. Anonymous

Love Quotes Sayings Top 100

Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? - Anonymous

Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Top 100

You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'

You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!' Anonymous

Know Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

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