A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Just because it's a bad idea doesn't mean it won't be a good time.
No, no, I'm listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.
Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale's mating call.
Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.
Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I'm ducking so it hits someone else.
I don't understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can't remember why I walked into the kitchen.
Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.
I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
Beginner pilot rules:
1. The propeller is just a big fan made to cool down the pilot in the cockpit. When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating excessively.
2. You don't have to take off, but landing is mandatory.
3. Pushing forward on the flight stick makes the earth look bigger, pulling makes it look smaller.
If you pull too much or too long however, it will look bigger yet again.
4. Flying is safe as long as you don't crash.
5. It's better to wish you were flying than to wish you were on the ground.
6. A good landing is a landing in which everyone walks away.
7. Besides affecting apples, gravity also affects planes.
It was me, I let the dogs out.
I don't know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.
If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.
When I try on an outfit and it doesn't make me look good, I just throw it on the floor. Like, no, you don't deserve to be hung up, think about what you've done.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.
What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.
I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.
I look at the moon and it looks really beautiful!.. Then I look at you... and.. I think I'll look at the moon again?!
I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend.
Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.
I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
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