A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.
When I try on an outfit and it doesn't make me look good, I just throw it on the floor. Like, no, you don't deserve to be hung up, think about what you've done.
I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.
What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.
I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.
I look at the moon and it looks really beautiful!.. Then I look at you... and.. I think I'll look at the moon again?!
I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend.
Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I'm ducking so it hits someone else.
I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.
Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.
When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.
All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.
You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!'
Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe.
I'm a ninja! No you're not. Did you see that? See what? Exactly!
A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up.
The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
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