Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Just because it's a bad idea doesn't mean it won't be a good time. - Anonymous

Just because it's a bad idea doesn't mean it won't be a good time.

Good Quotes Short Quotes

No, no, I'm listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once. - Anonymous

No, no, I'm listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale's mating call. - Anonymous

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale's mating call.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears. - Anonymous

Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I'm ducking so it hits someone else. - Anonymous

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I'm ducking so it hits someone else.

I don't understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can't remember why I walked into the kitchen. - Anonymous

I don't understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can't remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation. - Anonymous

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Lazy Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it. - Anonymous

That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before. - Anonymous

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. - Anonymous

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

Stupid Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

Pilot rules

Beginner pilot rules:

1. The propeller is just a big fan made to cool down the pilot in the cockpit. When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating excessively.
2. You don't have to take off, but landing is mandatory.
3. Pushing forward on the flight stick makes the earth look bigger, pulling makes it look smaller.
If you pull too much or too long however, it will look bigger yet again.
4. Flying is safe as long as you don't crash.
5. It's better to wish you were flying than to wish you were on the ground.
6. A good landing is a landing in which everyone walks away.
7. Besides affecting apples, gravity also affects planes.

Good Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

It was me, I let the dogs out. - Anonymous

It was me, I let the dogs out.

Animals Dog Quotes Short Quotes

I don't know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up. - Anonymous

I don't know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. - Anonymous

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

Money Quotes People Quotes Sayings

When I try on an outfit and it doesn't make me look good, I just throw it on the floor. Like, no, you don't deserve to be hung up, think about what you've done. - Anonymous

When I try on an outfit and it doesn't make me look good, I just throw it on the floor. Like, no, you don't deserve to be hung up, think about what you've done.

Good Quotes Sayings Stupid Quotes

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Know Quotes Never Quotes Sayings

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys. - Anonymous

What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.

Animals Questions Short Quotes

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks. - Anonymous

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Money Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

I look at the moon and it looks really beautiful!.. Then I look at you... and.. I think I'll look at the moon again?!

I look at the moon and it looks really beautiful!.. Then I look at you... and.. I think I'll look at the moon again?!

People Quotes Think Quotes Top 100

I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend. - Anonymous

I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend.

Top 100 Work Quotes

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. - Anonymous

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Time Quotes

I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it. - Anonymous

I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

Sayings Short Quotes Statements