Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared! Anonymous

Animals Love Quotes Top 100

I'm as single as a one dollar bill, and I don't need any change. Anonymous

Money Quotes Short Quotes

I'm not sure what is more scary these days, checking my temperature or checking my weight. Anonymous

I'm looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I've been tired since 2010. Anonymous

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. - Anonymous

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I survived the great toilet paper scare of 2020. Anonymous

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. - Anonymous

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Anonymous

Money Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

No, no, I'm listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once. - Anonymous

No, no, I'm listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once. Anonymous

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them. - Anonymous

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them. Anonymous

People Quotes Sayings Top 100

Ever looked at your ex and wondered... was I drunk the entire relationship? Anonymous

Love Quotes Questions Short Quotes

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. - Anonymous

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. Anonymous

Stupid Quotes Top 100

You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again. - Anonymous

You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again. Anonymous

Know Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes

When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. - Anonymous

When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people. - Anonymous

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people. Anonymous

Internet People Quotes Top 100

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.' Anonymous

Know Quotes Moments People Quotes

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

When the teacher said "Don't forget to bring clothes for Gym," I thought "Who is Jim and why doesn't he bring his own clothes?" Anonymous

Exercise Quotes

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome! Anonymous

Know Quotes Sayings Top 100

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where is the pop corn? - Anonymous

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where is the pop corn? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

Me: For the first time in life, things seem to be getting better.

Me: For the first time in life, things seem to be getting better. :)
Life: LOL, give me a second! Anonymous

Life Quotes Time Quotes

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. - Anonymous

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

I wonder what people do with all the time they save by writing "K" instead of "OK." Anonymous

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I'm done with work. Anonymous

Short Quotes Time Quotes Work Quotes

That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master. - Anonymous

That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master. Anonymous

Moments Top 100

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