A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.
Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it.
Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.
If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!
Don't invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.
That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don't know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.
They say the best things take time. That's why I'm always late.
Dear auto-correct, that's not what I was trying to say. I'm getting tired of your shirt.
Instead of LOL why don't you try LOLWKASF: Laughing Out Loud While Keeping A Straight Face.
Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let's be positive here.
I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.
When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
You can't run through a campground. You can only "ran," because it's past tents.
Two mysterious people live in my house. "Somebody" and "Nobody." Somebody did it and nobody knows who.
I can't sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.
A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic.
And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu. One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
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