A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.
Two mysterious people live in my house. "Somebody" and "Nobody." Somebody did it and nobody knows who.
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.
I can't sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.
A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.
Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic.
And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu. One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper "Nobody cares!"
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word.
Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid."
I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.
My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year.
You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM!
Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet.
You can't run through a campground. You can only "ran," because it's past tents.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.
I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.
I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
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