Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Instead of LOL why don't you try LOLWKASF: Laughing Out Loud While Keeping A Straight Face.

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let's be positive here.

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. - Anonymous

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Two mysterious people live in my house. "Somebody" and "Nobody." Somebody did it and nobody knows who. - Anonymous

Two mysterious people live in my house. "Somebody" and "Nobody." Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Sayings

I can't sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge. - Anonymous

I can't sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. - Anonymous

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic. - Anonymous

Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic.

Witty Quotes

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly. - Anonymous

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu. One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.

Questions

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper "Nobody cares!" - Anonymous

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper "Nobody cares!"

Questions

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to. - Anonymous

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word. - Anonymous

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word.

Short Quotes

You can't run through a campground. You can only "ran," because it's past tents.

Sayings

Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? - Anonymous

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid." - Anonymous

Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid."

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. - Anonymous

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever. - Anonymous

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.

Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet. - Anonymous

Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet.

Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year.

Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year.

Life Quotes

You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM! - Anonymous

You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM!

Facebook

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible. - Anonymous

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor. - Anonymous

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.

Life doesn't have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.

Life doesn't have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.

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