A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.
I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.
Where do I see myself in a year? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.
Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money.
I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.
I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won't let me.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don't think being an adult is going to work for me.
Why shouldn't you ever iron a four leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck.
If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.
I don't want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.
I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.
Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!'
Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.
Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.
I'm having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by...
I'm slowly becoming an adult... please make it stop.
Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed.
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