Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

My best friends are like fairy tales, they've been there since once upon a time and will be there until forever after.

Anonymous

PhotoBest QuotesTime Quotes

My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.

Anonymous

Marriage QuotesWife Quotes
Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Anonymous

AnalogiesLove Quotes

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together.

Anonymous

Short QuotesFriend QuotesPeople Quotes

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How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.

Anonymous

Short QuotesWork Quotes

Don't invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Anonymous

Wise QuotesKnow QuotesTime Quotes

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Anonymous

Short QuotesStupid QuotesSayings
I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

Anonymous

SayingsKnow Quotes

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.

Anonymous

Short QuotesWise Quotes

Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe.

Anonymous

Short QuotesLife QuotesLove Quotes

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Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.

Anonymous

Short QuotesLife Quotes
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

Anonymous

MomentsKnow QuotesPeople Quotes
Asleep first

Those who snore always fall asleep first.

Anonymous

Short QuotesSayingsPeople Quotes

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.

Anonymous

Short QuotesBest QuotesNever Quotes

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.

Anonymous

Short QuotesAnalogiesNever Quotes

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

Anonymous

Short QuotesMoney Quotes

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Anonymous

Short QuotesSayingsMath Quotes

I can't sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Anonymous

Short QuotesStupid QuotesKnow Quotes

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