Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. - Anonymous

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

Lazy Quotes People Quotes Sayings

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long? - Anonymous

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Short Quotes Work Quotes

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.

I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.

Know Quotes People Quotes Sayings

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible. - Anonymous

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.

Short Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

Where do I see myself in a year? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money. - Anonymous

Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money.

Exercise Quotes Life Quotes Money Quotes

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

Short Quotes Work Quotes

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won't let me.

People Quotes Short Quotes

I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? - Anonymous

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Questions Short Quotes Top 100

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don't think being an adult is going to work for me. - Anonymous

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don't think being an adult is going to work for me.

Sayings Top 100

Why shouldn't you ever iron a four leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

I don't want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

Short Quotes Witty Quotes

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Eat Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor. - Anonymous

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!' - Anonymous

Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!'

Top 100 Witty Quotes

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I'm having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by...

People Quotes Phone Stupid Quotes

I'm slowly becoming an adult... please make it stop. - Anonymous

I'm slowly becoming an adult... please make it stop.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed. - Anonymous

Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed.

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

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