A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughters school concert.
Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...
Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.
The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!
My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can't sleep.
Hold on, let me overthink this.
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
I burned my Hawaiian pizza today. Should've cooked it on aloha temperature.
My prince is not coming on a white horse... He's obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost.
Never let anyone treat you like regular glue. You're glitter glue.
A true friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg, even though they know you're slightly cracked.
Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car.
Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.
The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously.
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
When nothing is going right, go left.
When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window.
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.
Would you believe my neighbor was knocking on my door at 2:30AM this morning? Luckily, I was still up playing bagpipes.
Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice.
When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
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