Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I don't understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can't remember why I walked into the kitchen. - Anonymous

I don't understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can't remember why I walked into the kitchen. Anonymous

Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time. - Anonymous

Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time. Anonymous

Money Quotes Statements Time Quotes

Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. - Anonymous

Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Anonymous

Animals Sayings Short Quotes

Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house. - Anonymous

Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house. Anonymous

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account? - Anonymous

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account? Anonymous

Money Quotes Questions

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up. Anonymous

Sayings Sleep Quotes Top 100

What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.

What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down. Anonymous

Stupid Quotes Top 100

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs...

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist. Anonymous

Drinking Man Quotes Sayings

I love you forever... but I can't live that long.

I love you forever... but I can't live that long. Anonymous

Love Quotes Short Quotes

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation. - Anonymous

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year. - Anonymous

I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Sayings Top 100

Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number. - Anonymous

Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone. - Anonymous

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people. - Anonymous

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people. Anonymous

Good Quotes Moments People Quotes

That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man." - Anonymous

That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man." Anonymous

Man Quotes Moments

Dear phone, if you didn't light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly! - Anonymous

Dear phone, if you didn't light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly! Anonymous

Phone Witty Quotes

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Life Quotes

The secret of success is to go from mistake to mistake without losing your enthusiasm.

The secret of success is to go from mistake to mistake without losing your enthusiasm. Anonymous

When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.

When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31. Anonymous

Sleep Quotes Top 100 Work Quotes

A few days ago I lost my weapon of Math instruction... my trusty pocket calculator. - Anonymous

A few days ago I lost my weapon of Math instruction... my trusty pocket calculator. Anonymous

Math Quotes Wise Quotes

You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM! - Anonymous

You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM! Anonymous

Facebook Top 100

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I'm done with work. Anonymous

Short Quotes Time Quotes Work Quotes

My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right! Anonymous

Computers Marriage Quotes Never Quotes

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes Top 100