A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
A UFO!? Quick, grab the worst camera we own.
Sometime you meet such a prince that you'd rather marry the horse.
This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?
Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.
New year resolution: Complete the resolutions I set in 2019, that were actually from 2018, passed down from 2017, originally from 2016, actually set in 2015, that all began in 2014 but truly started in 2013.
I don't like violence but I don't mind if I get hit by luck.
Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you're talking and not hear a single word you said.
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!
Just once I'd like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear "Monday has been cancelled," and then go back to sleep.
I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them.
When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.
Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.
I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.
I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.
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