Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Man Quotes Questions

A UFO!? Quick, grab the worst camera we own.

A UFO!? Quick, grab the worst camera we own.

Moments Short Quotes

Sometime you meet such a prince that you'd rather marry the horse. - Anonymous

Sometime you meet such a prince that you'd rather marry the horse.

Marriage Quotes Short Quotes

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long? - Anonymous

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Short Quotes Work Quotes

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people. - Anonymous

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Internet People Quotes Top 100

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent. - Anonymous

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

Know Quotes Moments People Quotes

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone. - Anonymous

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

People Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

New year resolution: Complete the resolutions I set in 2019, that were actually from 2018, passed down from 2017, originally from 2016, actually set in 2015, that all began in 2014 but truly started in 2013. - Anonymous

New year resolution: Complete the resolutions I set in 2019, that were actually from 2018, passed down from 2017, originally from 2016, actually set in 2015, that all began in 2014 but truly started in 2013.

I don't like violence but I don't mind if I get hit by luck. - Anonymous

I don't like violence but I don't mind if I get hit by luck.

Life Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

But when you fart just one time...

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...

Happy Quotes Sayings Time Quotes

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. - Anonymous

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Animals People Quotes Short Quotes

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you're talking and not hear a single word you said.

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

Animals Love Quotes Top 100

Just once I'd like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear "Monday has been cancelled," and then go back to sleep.

Sleep Quotes Work Quotes

I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them. - Anonymous

I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them.

Know Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

When you fall, I will be there to catch you.

When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working. - Anonymous

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

Questions Stupid Quotes Top 100

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. - Anonymous

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here. - Anonymous

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Life Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Cheer myself up.

I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.

Moments Time Quotes Top 100

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before. - Anonymous

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. - Anonymous

I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Good Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes