Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. - Anonymous

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.

What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out. - Anonymous

What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.

When a man gets close to a woman wearing a leather mini-skirt, his heart starts beating faster, his throat gets dry, his knees get weak and he becomes irrational.

When a man gets close to a woman wearing a leather mini-skirt, his heart starts beating faster, his throat gets dry, his knees get weak and he becomes irrational.. Why? Because the leather smells like a new car.

Dear phone, if you didn't light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly! - Anonymous

Dear phone, if you didn't light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly!

My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. - Anonymous

My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.

Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. - Anonymous

Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.

Good friends are like stars, you can't always see them but you know they're there. - Anonymous

Good friends are like stars, you can't always see them but you know they're there.

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account? - Anonymous

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Paper cut: A tree's final moment of revenge. - Anonymous

Paper cut: A tree's final moment of revenge.

Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet. - Anonymous

Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet.

Sayings

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. - Anonymous

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. - Anonymous

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

How was the dog's day? Ruff. - Anonymous

How was the dog's day? Ruff.

Don't vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn't even on. - Anonymous

Don't vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn't even on.

Wise Quotes

Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!

Sorry I'm late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

I don't jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss. - Anonymous

I don't jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary. - Anonymous

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary.

I'm stuck between "I need to save money" and "You only live once." - Anonymous

I'm stuck between "I need to save money" and "You only live once."

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. - Anonymous

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

The alphabet begins with ABC, numbers begin with 123, music begins with do-re-mi, and friendship begins with you and me.

The alphabet begins with ABC, numbers begin with 123, music begins with do-re-mi, and friendship begins with you and me.

Friend Quotes

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you're hungry, and want to stay that way. - Anonymous

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you're hungry, and want to stay that way.

I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right. - Anonymous

I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Want someone to stop texting you? Send back 'SERVICE ERROR 305: DELIVERY FAILED, FURTHER MESSAGES WILL BE CHARGED AT A RATE OF $1 PER MESSAGE TO YOUR ACCOUNT." - Anonymous

Want someone to stop texting you? Send back 'SERVICE ERROR 305: DELIVERY FAILED, FURTHER MESSAGES WILL BE CHARGED AT A RATE OF $1 PER MESSAGE TO YOUR ACCOUNT."

Questions