Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let's be positive here.

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Do you have a band-aid, because I just scraped my knee falling in love with you. - Anonymous

Do you have a band-aid, because I just scraped my knee falling in love with you.

I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. - Anonymous

I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Good Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year.

Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year.

Life Quotes Top 100

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. - Anonymous

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Animals People Quotes Short Quotes

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working. - Anonymous

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

Questions Stupid Quotes Top 100

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do. - Anonymous

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.

Exercise Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don't think being an adult is going to work for me. - Anonymous

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don't think being an adult is going to work for me.

Sayings Top 100

I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them. - Anonymous

I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them.

Know Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master. - Anonymous

That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.

Moments Top 100

Cheer myself up.

I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.

Moments Time Quotes Top 100

When a man gets close to a woman wearing a leather mini-skirt, his heart starts beating faster, his throat gets dry, his knees get weak and he becomes irrational.

When a man gets close to a woman wearing a leather mini-skirt, his heart starts beating faster, his throat gets dry, his knees get weak and he becomes irrational.. Why? Because the leather smells like a new car.

Man Quotes Marriage Quotes

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? - Anonymous

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

Eat Quotes Questions Short Quotes

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach. - Anonymous

You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach.

Eat Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge. - Anonymous

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge.

Life Quotes Moments Top 100

Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor. - Anonymous

Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Exercise Quotes Wise Quotes

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life. - Anonymous

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Exercise Quotes

I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape. - Anonymous

I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape.

Lazy Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved. - Anonymous

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Math Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!

The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!

Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be. - Anonymous

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Friend Quotes Love Quotes Top 100