A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let's be positive here.
I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.
Do you have a band-aid, because I just scraped my knee falling in love with you.
I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.
Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don't think being an adult is going to work for me.
I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them.
That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
When a man gets close to a woman wearing a leather mini-skirt, his heart starts beating faster, his throat gets dry, his knees get weak and he becomes irrational.. Why? Because the leather smells like a new car.
If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.
You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach.
That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.
I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape.
I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.
I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.
The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!
If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.
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