Anonymous Funny Quotes

Home / Authors / Anonymous / Page 11

A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird. - Anonymous

It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.

Short Quotes

It's not that I want more shoes, it's just that they keep making them in my size. - Anonymous

It's not that I want more shoes, it's just that they keep making them in my size.

If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!

If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!

Sayings

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be. - Anonymous

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time. - Anonymous

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Short Quotes

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting... It's like, woah, I'm not the same person I was last night. - Anonymous

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting... It's like, woah, I'm not the same person I was last night.

Sayings

When nothing is going right, go left. - Anonymous

When nothing is going right, go left.

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from. - Anonymous

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor. - Anonymous

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

"Well at least I don't have to wake up any more." Is what I want my tombstone to say. - Anonymous

"Well at least I don't have to wake up any more." Is what I want my tombstone to say.

Lazy Quotes

I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate. - Anonymous

I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. - Anonymous

Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle.

Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.

Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.

Think of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply it by 9 and subtract 1. Now close your eyes. It's dark isn't it? - Anonymous

Think of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply it by 9 and subtract 1. Now close your eyes. It's dark isn't it?

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic. - Anonymous

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.

Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.

You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident." - Anonymous

You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident."

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money. - Anonymous

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status.

I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.

If I say "First of all," run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong. - Anonymous

If I say "First of all," run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

Sayings

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles. - Anonymous

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it. - Anonymous

Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket." - Anonymous

I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."

Don't mess with me, I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words. - Anonymous

Don't mess with me, I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words.

When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. - Anonymous

When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess.