A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.
I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting... It's like, woah, I'm not the same person I was last night.
My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.
Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.
Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle.
Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.
Think of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply it by 9 and subtract 1. Now close your eyes. It's dark isn't it?
On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.
In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor."
You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident."
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.
If I say "First of all," run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.
For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
Hold on, let me overthink this.
I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."
Don't mess with me, I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words.
Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?
No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!
Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.
Don't blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.
"Well at least I don't have to wake up any more." Is what I want my tombstone to say.
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