Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Statements

Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.

Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!! - Anonymous

When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!! Anonymous

Time Quotes Work Quotes

There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link. - Anonymous

There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link. Anonymous

Facebook Internet Life Quotes

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza. - Anonymous

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Sayings Wise Quotes

It's hard to find a friend who is 95% talented, 96% funny, 98% loving, 99% intelligent and 100% sweet. So don't you dare lose me! Anonymous

Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!! - Anonymous

Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!! Anonymous

Never Quotes Short Quotes

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief. - Anonymous

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. - Anonymous

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Wise Quotes

I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you. - Anonymous

I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Time Quotes

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor. - Anonymous

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor. Anonymous

Analogies Money Quotes Short Quotes

Childhood injuries: Fell off my bike, fell out of a tree, twisted my ankle. Adult injuries: Slept wrong, sat down too long, sneezed too hard. Anonymous

I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time. - Anonymous

I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time. Anonymous

Short Quotes Statements Time Quotes

I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable. - Anonymous

I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable. Anonymous

People Quotes Phone Statements

Learning a foreign language is pointless, I’m not even allowed to talk to strangers. - Anonymous

Learning a foreign language is pointless, I’m not even allowed to talk to strangers. Anonymous

My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.

My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work. Anonymous

Phone Stupid Quotes Work Quotes

I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg.

I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg. Anonymous

Short Quotes Statements

Q: How did you vote this year?
A: With a mask and gloves.
Q: And what are you hoping for?
A: That I don't get infected.
Q: No I mean what do you hope will change after your vote?
A: My mask and gloves.
Q: So what do you think the results will be?
A: Some will be positive, some negative. Anonymous

For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there. - Anonymous

For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there. Anonymous

Love Quotes People Quotes

I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again! - Anonymous

I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again! Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. - Anonymous

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

For the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog.

For the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes Short Quotes

4 out 3 people struggle with math. - Anonymous

4 out 3 people struggle with math. Anonymous

Math Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. - Anonymous

I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes