A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper "Nobody cares!"
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word.
Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it?
Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet.
Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid."
I'm a ninja! No you're not. Did you see that? See what? Exactly!
My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.
Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year.
What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.
You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM!
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.
I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.
I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?
I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.
Nutrition labels should include an "What if I ate the whole thing" section.
In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor."
How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.
Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back.
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