A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Now if you'll excuse me... today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.
Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.
Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I'm done with work.
I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.
I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes.
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.
I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now.
Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid."
Target cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for? Me: First of all, I wasn't looking for ANY of this.
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu. One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.
Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park.
I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth.
Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.
I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.
I'm tired of adding 'LOL' to the end of my texts for sensitive people. I said what I said, deal with it.
Childhood injuries: Fell off my bike, fell out of a tree, twisted my ankle. Adult injuries: Slept wrong, sat down too long, sneezed too hard.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'
Do you ever feel like your body's "check engine" light is on but you're like "nah, I'll be fine"?
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