A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year.
You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM!
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.
I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.
I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?
Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it.
Nutrition labels should include an "What if I ate the whole thing" section.
Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads.
Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.
How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.
What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.
Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back.
Just because it's a bad idea doesn't mean it won't be a good time.
Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale's mating call.
Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.
I don't understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can't remember why I walked into the kitchen.
That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.
I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
Beginner pilot rules:
1. The propeller is just a big fan made to cool down the pilot in the cockpit. When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating excessively.
2. You don't have to take off, but landing is mandatory.
3. Pushing forward on the flight stick makes the earth look bigger, pulling makes it look smaller.
If you pull too much or too long however, it will look bigger yet again.
4. Flying is safe as long as you don't crash.
5. It's better to wish you were flying than to wish you were on the ground.
6. A good landing is a landing in which everyone walks away.
7. Besides affecting apples, gravity also affects planes.
It was me, I let the dogs out.
I don't know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.
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