Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper "Nobody cares!" - Anonymous

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper "Nobody cares!"

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to. - Anonymous

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word. - Anonymous

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word.

Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it? - Anonymous

Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it?

Moments Questions Short Quotes

Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet. - Anonymous

Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet.

Internet Top 100 Witty Quotes

Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?

Questions Stupid Quotes

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? - Anonymous

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Questions Short Quotes Top 100

Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid." - Anonymous

Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid."

Facebook Short Quotes Top 100

I'm a ninja! No you're not. Did you see that? See what? Exactly! - Anonymous

I'm a ninja! No you're not. Did you see that? See what? Exactly!

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. - Anonymous

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

Lazy Quotes People Quotes Sayings

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever. - Anonymous

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.

Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year.

Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year.

Life Quotes Top 100

What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out. - Anonymous

What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.

Life Quotes Questions Short Quotes

You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM! - Anonymous

You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM!

Facebook Top 100

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. - Anonymous

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Sayings Top 100

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible. - Anonymous

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.

Short Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor. - Anonymous

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief. - Anonymous

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. - Anonymous

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? - Anonymous

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?

Questions Top 100

I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like. - Anonymous

I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Nutrition labels should include an "What if I ate the whole thing" section.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor." - Anonymous

In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor."

How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed. - Anonymous

How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.

Short Quotes Work Quotes

Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back. - Anonymous

Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back.

Stupid Quotes Work Quotes