A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?
Nutrition labels should include an "What if I ate the whole thing" section.
Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.
Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads.
How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.
Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back.
Just because it's a bad idea doesn't mean it won't be a good time.
Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale's mating call.
Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.
I don't understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can't remember why I walked into the kitchen.
That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.
I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
Beginner pilot rules:
1. The propeller is just a big fan made to cool down the pilot in the cockpit. When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating excessively.
2. You don't have to take off, but landing is mandatory.
3. Pushing forward on the flight stick makes the earth look bigger, pulling makes it look smaller.
If you pull too much or too long however, it will look bigger yet again.
4. Flying is safe as long as you don't crash.
5. It's better to wish you were flying than to wish you were on the ground.
6. A good landing is a landing in which everyone walks away.
7. Besides affecting apples, gravity also affects planes.
It was me, I let the dogs out.
I don't know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.
If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
When I try on an outfit and it doesn't make me look good, I just throw it on the floor. Like, no, you don't deserve to be hung up, think about what you've done.
I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.
Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2019