A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Give me your photo so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.
Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms.
Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.
If I had just one hour left to live, I'd spend it in Math class... it never ends.
I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to get home from work tomorrow.
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!
My best friends are like fairy tales, they've been there since once upon a time and will be there until forever after.
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'
I'm not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.
Start each day with a positive thought, like: "I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours."
Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
The older I get, the less surprised I'd be if a random body part just fell off one day.
Learning a foreign language is pointless, I’m not even allowed to talk to strangers.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet.
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.
I think I may need professional help... A chef, a butler and a maid should be enough.
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2019