Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?

Questions Great Quotes

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.

Short Quotes Statements Lazy Quotes

If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!

Life Quotes Facebook

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can't sleep.

Life Quotes Lazy Quotes Sleep Quotes

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I wish my wallet came with free refills.

Short Quotes Money Quotes

I wonder, we lazy people go to heaven... or do they send someone to pick us up?

Short Quotes Questions Lazy Quotes

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can't find them.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

When you fall, I will be there to catch you.

When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.

Short Quotes Sayings

How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Know Quotes Drinking Think Quotes

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

Moments Eat Quotes

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One day my wife's credit card got stolen.

One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!

Marriage Quotes Wife Quotes

Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet.

Moments Sayings

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither!

Work Quotes Moments Know Quotes

A true friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg, even though they know you're slightly cracked.

Know Quotes Think Quotes Good Quotes

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Short Quotes Sayings

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Short Quotes Life Quotes

Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.

Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.

Know Quotes People Quotes

If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!

If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!

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