Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. - Anonymous

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Time Quotes

The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

Short Quotes Marriage Quotes

Don't mess with me, I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words. - Anonymous

Don't mess with me, I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words.

Wise Quotes Know Quotes

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! - Anonymous

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!

Animals TV Quotes Witty Quotes

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Lazy Rule: Can't reach it, don't need it. - Anonymous

Lazy Rule: Can't reach it, don't need it.

Short Quotes Top 100 Lazy Quotes

Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.

Give me your photo so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.

Short Quotes Top 100 Love Quotes

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. - Anonymous

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Sayings

I can't sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge. - Anonymous

I can't sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Short Quotes Top 100 Sleep Quotes

My bed wasn't feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it. - Anonymous

My bed wasn't feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you. - Anonymous

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

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Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears. - Anonymous

Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.

Friends are like rainbows, always there to cheer you up after a storm. - Anonymous

Friends are like rainbows, always there to cheer you up after a storm.

Short Quotes Friend Quotes

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

Short Quotes Statements Sayings

What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out. - Anonymous

What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.

Short Quotes Life Quotes Questions

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. - Anonymous

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Short Quotes Life Quotes Sleep Quotes

How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. - Anonymous

How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Top 100 Know Quotes Drinking

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Short Quotes Sayings Sleep Quotes

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

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