Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom. - Anonymous

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom. Anonymous

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. - Anonymous

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. Anonymous

Facebook TV Quotes Time Quotes

When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed. - Anonymous

When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed. Anonymous

Top 100 Witty Quotes

Life doesn't have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.

Life doesn't have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status.

I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Anonymous

Animals Cat Quotes Computers

I just spent half an hour looking for my phone in the car, using the flashlight on my phone. Anonymous

My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. - Anonymous

My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

If one door closes and another door opens... your house is probably haunted. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do. - Anonymous

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom. - Anonymous

Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom. Anonymous

Life Quotes Questions Short Quotes

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria. - Anonymous

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria. Anonymous

Beer Quotes Drinking Stupid Quotes

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself. - Anonymous

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Know Quotes Sayings

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Life Quotes

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed. Anonymous

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100 Witty Quotes

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car. - Anonymous

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car. Anonymous

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed. - Anonymous

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed. Anonymous

Life Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

It's not boring staying in the house for weeks in a row. But how come one bag of rice has 48,356 gains and the other 47,998? Anonymous

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much. Anonymous

Life Quotes People Quotes Top 100

How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. - Anonymous

How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Anonymous

Beer Quotes Drinking Know Quotes

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you. - Anonymous

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you. Anonymous

Animals Cat Quotes Short Quotes

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge. - Anonymous

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge. Anonymous

Life Quotes Moments Top 100

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

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