Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.

Sayings Top 100

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn't even know they knew how to knit. - Anonymous

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn't even know they knew how to knit.

Animals Know Quotes

That awkward moment when you've said "What?" three times, so you just say "Oh, yeah.." even though you have no idea what they said. - Anonymous

That awkward moment when you've said "What?" three times, so you just say "Oh, yeah.." even though you have no idea what they said.

I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest. - Anonymous

I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me. - Anonymous

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me.

Love Quotes Sayings Top 100

Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.

Give me your photo so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.

Love Quotes Short Quotes

Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms. - Anonymous

Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms.

Marriage Quotes Short Quotes

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone. - Anonymous

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

People Quotes Short Quotes

If I had just one hour left to live, I'd spend it in Math class... it never ends. - Anonymous

If I had just one hour left to live, I'd spend it in Math class... it never ends.

Life Quotes Math Quotes

I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to get home from work tomorrow. - Anonymous

I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to get home from work tomorrow.

How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost? - Anonymous

How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?

Man Quotes Questions Short Quotes

If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.

Money Quotes Short Quotes Statements

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! - Anonymous

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Know Quotes Never Quotes Time Quotes

My best friends are like fairy tales, they've been there since once upon a time and will be there until forever after. - Anonymous

My best friends are like fairy tales, they've been there since once upon a time and will be there until forever after.

What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out. - Anonymous

What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.

Life Quotes Questions Short Quotes

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria. - Anonymous

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.

Beer Quotes Drinking Stupid Quotes

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far. - Anonymous

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left. - Anonymous

I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.

God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.

Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it? - Anonymous

Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it?

Moments Questions Short Quotes

Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect. - Anonymous

Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

The broccoli says....

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'

Funny Tree Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

I'm not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too. - Anonymous

I'm not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Beer Quotes Drinking Lazy Quotes

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

Sayings Short Quotes