A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.
Good friends are like stars, you can't always see them but you know they're there.
I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.
How was the dog's day? Ruff.
Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?
Paper cut: A tree's final moment of revenge.
Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet.
On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.
So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Sorry I'm late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.
Don't vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn't even on.
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.
I don't jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.
Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary.
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.
I'm stuck between "I need to save money" and "You only live once."
I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.
I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.
I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
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