Got to work this morning and my boss told me 'have a good day', so I went home and had a great day!
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.
My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot.
If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.
My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour.
My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.
My boss told me "It's not rocket science." Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.
I'm not sure how long my body can handle this "getting out of bed early in the morning" nonsense.
My bed wasn't feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.
You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither!
I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to get home from work tomorrow.
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
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