Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out. - Anonymous

I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out.

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.'

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'

Computers

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." - Anonymous

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."

I don't want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

Life Quotes

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you? - Anonymous

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?

I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem? - Anonymous

I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem?

Witty Quotes

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and I find is ingredients. - Anonymous

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and I find is ingredients.

I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit. - Anonymous

I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit.

If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes.

Sayings

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. - Anonymous

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.

Stupid Quotes

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

If you think nobody cares that you're alive try missing a couple of payments.

You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again. - Anonymous

You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film. - Anonymous

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave. - Anonymous

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter. - Anonymous

If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!! - Anonymous

Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!

Don't invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed. - Anonymous

Don't invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Sayings

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long? - Anonymous

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don't know whether to get dressed or fake an illness. - Anonymous

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don't know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

They say the best things take time. That's why I'm always late. - Anonymous

They say the best things take time. That's why I'm always late.

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. - Anonymous

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.

Dear auto-correct, that's not what I was trying to say. I'm getting tired of your shirt. - Anonymous

Dear auto-correct, that's not what I was trying to say. I'm getting tired of your shirt.

Witty Quotes

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