Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Sometime you meet such a prince that you'd rather marry the horse. - Anonymous

Sometime you meet such a prince that you'd rather marry the horse.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film. - Anonymous

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to. - Anonymous

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.

I'm not being smart, I'm just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious. - Anonymous

I'm not being smart, I'm just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

I'm not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing. - Anonymous

I'm not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!! - Anonymous

Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!

I hate it when people ask me to watch their stuff. Like what happens if someone comes and actually tries to steal it? Do I have to fight them? I'm not ready.

Life Quotes

"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor." - Anonymous

"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor."

I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit. - Anonymous

I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit.

We're all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap. - Anonymous

We're all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word. - Anonymous

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word.

Short Quotes

I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years. - Anonymous

I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase. - Anonymous

Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase.

Questions

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before. - Anonymous

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

What's your best non-swearing insult? I hope you step on a Lego. - Anonymous

What's your best non-swearing insult? I hope you step on a Lego.

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? - Anonymous

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?

Questions

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly. - Anonymous

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you? - Anonymous

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and I find is ingredients. - Anonymous

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and I find is ingredients.

Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers. - Anonymous

Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.

If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter. - Anonymous

If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

They say the best things take time. That's why I'm always late. - Anonymous

They say the best things take time. That's why I'm always late.

I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem? - Anonymous

I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem?

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