A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
We're all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.
When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.
Childhood injuries: Fell off my bike, fell out of a tree, twisted my ankle. Adult injuries: Slept wrong, sat down too long, sneezed too hard.
The trouble with living alone is that it's always my turn to do the dishes.
I hate it when people ask me to watch their stuff. Like what happens if someone comes and actually tries to steal it? Do I have to fight them? I'm not ready.
A UFO!? Quick, grab the worst camera we own.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
I'm not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.
Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.
Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase.
What's your best non-swearing insult? I hope you step on a Lego.
I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.
I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out.
I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'
What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.
I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."
I don't want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.
Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?
I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem?
Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads.
I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and I find is ingredients.
I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit.
If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes.
I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
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