Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

We're all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap. - Anonymous

We're all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

Childhood injuries: Fell off my bike, fell out of a tree, twisted my ankle. Adult injuries: Slept wrong, sat down too long, sneezed too hard.

The trouble with living alone is that it's always my turn to do the dishes. - Anonymous

The trouble with living alone is that it's always my turn to do the dishes.

I hate it when people ask me to watch their stuff. Like what happens if someone comes and actually tries to steal it? Do I have to fight them? I'm not ready.

A UFO!? Quick, grab the worst camera we own.

A UFO!? Quick, grab the worst camera we own.

Moments Short Quotes

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. - Anonymous

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Good Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I'm not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing. - Anonymous

I'm not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Short Quotes Work Quotes

Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers. - Anonymous

Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.

Top 100 Work Quotes

Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase. - Anonymous

Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase.

What's your best non-swearing insult? I hope you step on a Lego. - Anonymous

What's your best non-swearing insult? I hope you step on a Lego.

Questions Short Quotes

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out. - Anonymous

I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out.

Short Quotes Witty Quotes

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.'

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'

Computers Top 100

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

Questions Stupid Quotes Top 100

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." - Anonymous

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."

Facebook Top 100

I don't want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you? - Anonymous

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?

Questions Sayings

I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem? - Anonymous

I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem?

Top 100 Witty Quotes

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads. - Anonymous

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and I find is ingredients. - Anonymous

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and I find is ingredients.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit. - Anonymous

I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit.

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes.

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. - Anonymous

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.

Stupid Quotes Top 100

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

Animals Dog Quotes Sayings