Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. - Anonymous

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Anonymous

Money Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. - Anonymous

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Anonymous

Facebook Love Quotes People Quotes

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you. Anonymous

Math Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet. - Anonymous

Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet. Anonymous

Internet Top 100 Witty Quotes

You come from dust and you'll return to dust, so that's why I never dust. It could be someone I know. Anonymous

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take.

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away. Anonymous

Life Quotes Moments Top 100

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck. Anonymous

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. - Anonymous

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. Anonymous

Analogies Drinking Wife Quotes

I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does. - Anonymous

I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does. Anonymous

Know Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

But when you fart just one time...

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time... Anonymous

Happy Quotes Sayings Time Quotes

If someone is laughing, then laugh with them. If someone is singing, then sing them. If someone is working, let them work... you don't want to ruin their concentration. Anonymous

My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. - Anonymous

My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. Anonymous

Marriage Quotes Top 100 Wife Quotes

You have Facebook? Yup. You have Whatsapp? Yup. You have love? Forgot to install it. - Anonymous

You have Facebook? Yup. You have Whatsapp? Yup. You have love? Forgot to install it. Anonymous

Facebook Love Quotes Top 100

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it. - Anonymous

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes Statements

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing? - Anonymous

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing? Anonymous

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you? - Anonymous

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you? Anonymous

Questions Sayings

My brain says "Let's do something exciting today" but my body says "Don't listen to that fool." Anonymous

I love sarcasm. It's like punching people in the face, but with words. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes Witty Quotes

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. - Anonymous

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Anonymous

Good Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. - Anonymous

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car. - Anonymous

Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

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