A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
I'm not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.
If you think nobody cares that you're alive try missing a couple of payments.
Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.
Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase.
What's your best non-swearing insult? I hope you step on a Lego.
I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.
I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out.
I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'
I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."
I don't want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.
Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?
I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem?
I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and I find is ingredients.
I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit.
If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes.
I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.
If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.
Don't invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?
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