Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I'm not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing. - Anonymous

I'm not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Short Quotes Work Quotes

If you think nobody cares that you're alive try missing a couple of payments.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers. - Anonymous

Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.

Top 100 Work Quotes

Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase. - Anonymous

Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase.

What's your best non-swearing insult? I hope you step on a Lego. - Anonymous

What's your best non-swearing insult? I hope you step on a Lego.

Questions Short Quotes

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out. - Anonymous

I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out.

Short Quotes Witty Quotes

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.'

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." - Anonymous

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."

Facebook Top 100

I don't want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again. - Anonymous

You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.

Know Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you? - Anonymous

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?

Questions Sayings

I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem? - Anonymous

I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem?

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and I find is ingredients. - Anonymous

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and I find is ingredients.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit. - Anonymous

I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit.

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes.

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. - Anonymous

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

Animals Dog Quotes Sayings

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film. - Anonymous

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

Sayings Short Quotes Statements

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave. - Anonymous

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter. - Anonymous

If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

Sayings Wise Quotes

Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!! - Anonymous

Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!

Never Quotes Short Quotes

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. - Anonymous

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.

Sayings Short Quotes

Don't invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed. - Anonymous

Don't invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long? - Anonymous

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Short Quotes Work Quotes