I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.
Stop crying, Monday will be over soon.
Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it's only Thursday.
Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.
Can we start the weekend again? I wasn't ready.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.
After (M)onday and (T)uesday comes WTF !
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
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