Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
Jack Handey
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.
All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave.
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
June Henderson
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year.
Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying.
Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.
I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up.
Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.
When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.
A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say 'How to Build a Boat.'
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.
People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act.
I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today.
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