A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.
I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
Where do I see myself in a year? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.
If one door closes and another door opens... your house is probably haunted.
My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
I survived the great toilet paper scare of 2020.
Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.
You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.
Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where is the pop corn?
I love all mythical creatures... vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.
I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's like 7 years in a row now.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid.
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
I end all my sentences with "Just saying.." because ending them with "You bonehead.." would probably be considered offensive.
I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse... except for money.
When the teacher said "Don't forget to bring clothes for Gym," I thought "Who is Jim and why doesn't he bring his own clothes?"
I'm dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.
Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I'm ducking so it hits someone else.
If you think nobody cares that you're alive try missing a couple of payments.
Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I'm done with work.
Life doesn't have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
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