A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.
But doctor, where is the umbilical cord? New technology, it's wireless.
I want to sleep but my brain won't stop talking to itself.
I burned my Hawaiian pizza today. Should've cooked it on aloha temperature.
That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don't know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.
I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can't find them.
Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?
Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let's be positive here.
I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.
If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don't open it. It's spam
It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them.
I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.
I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life.... hibernation.
It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit any more.
I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.
Childhood injuries: Fell off my bike, fell out of a tree, twisted my ankle. Adult injuries: Slept wrong, sat down too long, sneezed too hard.
Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
Nutrition labels should include an "What if I ate the whole thing" section.
I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out.
My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still at work.
This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?
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