A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.
I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money.
I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere.
I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
Sometime you meet such a prince that you'd rather marry the horse.
I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.
I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life.... hibernation.
My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still at work.
But doctor, where is the umbilical cord? New technology, it's wireless.
I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won't let me.
Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.
If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don't open it. It's spam
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor."
I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.
I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.
Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.
I'm not being smart, I'm just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.
We're all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.
When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.
Childhood injuries: Fell off my bike, fell out of a tree, twisted my ankle. Adult injuries: Slept wrong, sat down too long, sneezed too hard.
The trouble with living alone is that it's always my turn to do the dishes.
I hate it when people ask me to watch their stuff. Like what happens if someone comes and actually tries to steal it? Do I have to fight them? I'm not ready.
A UFO!? Quick, grab the worst camera we own.
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