A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.
If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don't open it. It's spam
Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.
It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them.
I know some people don't like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.
Lazy Rule: Can't reach it, don't need it.
If you think nobody cares that you're alive try missing a couple of payments.
In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor."
Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it?
Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.
I want to sleep but my brain won't stop talking to itself.
My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.
Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.
Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?
Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.
It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit any more.
I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money.
Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.
I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere.
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