Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. - Anonymous

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Short Quotes Top 100 Lazy Quotes

A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughters school concert.

Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet. - Anonymous

Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet.

Sleep Quotes Internet

I want to sleep but my brain won't stop talking to itself.

Short Quotes Think Quotes Sleep Quotes

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The older I get, the less surprised I'd be if a random body part just fell off one day.

Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet. - Anonymous

Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet.

Witty Quotes Internet

"Made with love," means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Short Quotes Eat Quotes

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Short Quotes Analogies

I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit.

Short Quotes Exercise Quotes

I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out. - Anonymous

I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out.

Short Quotes Witty Quotes

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I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Short Quotes Witty Quotes

I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money. - Anonymous

I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money.

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." - Anonymous

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."

Top 100 Facebook

I'm not a morning person. I'm not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

I know some people don't like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste. - Anonymous

I know some people don't like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us.

Never forget those who helped you along the way... Google, Wikipedia and Dictionary.

"Well at least I don't have to wake up any more." Is what I want my tombstone to say.

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