A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.
Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.
If you think nobody cares that you're alive try missing a couple of payments.
It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit any more.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.
I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money.
I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere.
I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
Sometime you meet such a prince that you'd rather marry the horse.
I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.
I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life.... hibernation.
My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still at work.
But doctor, where is the umbilical cord? New technology, it's wireless.
Life doesn't have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won't let me.
Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.
If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don't open it. It's spam
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor."
I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.
I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.
I'm not being smart, I'm just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.
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