Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I was hungry, and that's what happened to all your chocolate. - Anonymous

Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I was hungry, and that's what happened to all your chocolate.

I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad! - Anonymous

I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!

Questions Sayings Short Quotes

Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!

Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!

Know Quotes Stupid Quotes

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize. - Anonymous

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize.

Sayings Short Quotes Wise Quotes

I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.

I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.

Animals Dog Quotes Think Quotes

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy. - Anonymous

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy.

Happy Quotes Life Quotes Stupid Quotes

Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn't stop the rain but allows us to keep going.

Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn't stop the rain but allows us to keep going.

Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday. - Anonymous

Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape. - Anonymous

Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

Exercise Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. - Anonymous

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Wise Quotes

I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before. - Anonymous

I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before.

Know Quotes Never Quotes People Quotes

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas. - Anonymous

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.

Drinking Life Quotes

Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.

Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.

Short Quotes Work Quotes

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no clue where he is. - Anonymous

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.

Exercise Quotes Life Quotes

If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you. - Anonymous

If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you.

Know Quotes People Quotes Questions

I remember years ago when all I wanted is to be older. I was wrong!! - Anonymous

I remember years ago when all I wanted is to be older. I was wrong!!

Life Quotes Short Quotes

My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot. - Anonymous

My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot.

Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park. - Anonymous

Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park.

Marriage Quotes Short Quotes

Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones. - Anonymous

Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.

Life Quotes People Quotes Phone

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together. - Anonymous

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together.

Friend Quotes Short Quotes

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money. - Anonymous

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

Money Quotes Short Quotes

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands. - Anonymous

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

You can trust your dog to guard your house.

You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.

Animals Dog Quotes Eat Quotes

Does anyone else have plastic bags full of plastic bags or is it just me? - Anonymous

Does anyone else have plastic bags full of plastic bags or is it just me?

Questions Short Quotes

Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. - Anonymous

Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.

Love Quotes Short Quotes Top 100