A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.
Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.
If Facebook has taught us anything it's that a lot of people aren't quite ready for a spelling bee.
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.
They call it "fell asleep" but it should be more like "entered a mental state of regeneration."
I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
If only common sense were more common.
That awkward moment you can't understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.
I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car.
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living.
I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.
I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you.
Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man."
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work.
Does anyone else have plastic bags full of plastic bags or is it just me?
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2019