A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'
I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale's mating call.
Got to work this morning and my boss told me 'have a good day', so I went home and had a great day!
I'm stuck between "I need to save money" and "You only live once."
I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.
I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.
Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?
There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing.
Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else?
Me: "I need help around here!" Then me again "No, not like that, here I'll do it."
Minimum wage is like work enthusiasm, it disappears quickly.
I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.
My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!
In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.
I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.
It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!
At the end of the day life should ask us "Are you sure you want to save the changes?"
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