A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
I'm a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.
There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
I remember years ago when all I wanted is to be older. I was wrong!!
I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you.
Age only matters if you are a cheese.
Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
Friends are like rainbows, always there to cheer you up after a storm.
They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.
I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.
If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.
How do you feel when the coffee machine is out coffee? Depresso.
All my bills say "Outstanding." I guess I am good to go.
If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net without high speed Internet.
That awkward moment you can't understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.
Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.
You know what's funny? Lots of things, so lighten up!
My imaginary friend thinks he has problems.
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch.
You're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do? Get off the carousel!
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.
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