A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I was hungry, and that's what happened to all your chocolate.
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!
Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize.
I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.
Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy.
Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn't stop the rain but allows us to keep going.
Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.
I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before.
Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.
Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.
If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you.
I remember years ago when all I wanted is to be older. I was wrong!!
My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot.
Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park.
Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together.
I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
Does anyone else have plastic bags full of plastic bags or is it just me?
Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.
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