Anonymous Funny Quotes

Home / Authors / Anonymous / Page 20

A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I'm a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation. - Anonymous

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely! - Anonymous

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!! - Anonymous

When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!

I remember years ago when all I wanted is to be older. I was wrong!! - Anonymous

I remember years ago when all I wanted is to be older. I was wrong!!

I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you. - Anonymous

I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you.

Age only matters if you are a cheese.

Age only matters if you are a cheese.

Short Quotes

Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number. - Anonymous

Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.

Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.

Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.

To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.

To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.

Sayings

Friends are like rainbows, always there to cheer you up after a storm. - Anonymous

Friends are like rainbows, always there to cheer you up after a storm.

They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it. - Anonymous

They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.

Short Quotes

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy. - Anonymous

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing. - Anonymous

I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.

If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. - Anonymous

If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.

How do you feel when the coffee machine is out coffee? Depresso.

All my bills say "Outstanding." I guess I am good to go. - Anonymous

All my bills say "Outstanding." I guess I am good to go.

If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net without high speed Internet.

If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net without high speed Internet.

That awkward moment you can't understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times. - Anonymous

That awkward moment you can't understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. - Anonymous

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

You know what's funny? Lots of things, so lighten up! - Anonymous

You know what's funny? Lots of things, so lighten up!

My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. - Anonymous

My imaginary friend thinks he has problems.

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch. - Anonymous

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch.

You're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do? Get off the carousel! - Anonymous

You're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do? Get off the carousel!

Witty Quotes

Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job. - Anonymous

Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.