I'm having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by...
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. Anonymous
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite. Anonymous
My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work. Anonymous
Are you free tomorrow? No, tomorrow I'm still expensive. Anonymous
You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted! Anonymous
Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected! Anonymous
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Woody Allen