A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.
I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape.
I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them.
Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.
I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour.
You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach.
If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.
They call it "fell asleep" but it should be more like "entered a mental state of regeneration."
To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.
You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.
Do you have a band-aid, because I just scraped my knee falling in love with you.
Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.
Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
Always run away from temptations... but slowly, so they can catch up to you.
I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!
Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection!
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't like the thought of being gone so long!
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
A toy that can't be broken can be used to break other toys.
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