A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together.
They call it "fell asleep" but it should be more like "entered a mental state of regeneration."
Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.
I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you.
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.
If only common sense were more common.
I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.
Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.
When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.
Does anyone else have plastic bags full of plastic bags or is it just me?
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today.
If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.
Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man."
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