Anonymous Funny Quotes

Home / Authors / Anonymous / Page 19

A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together. - Anonymous

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together.

They call it "fell asleep" but it should be more like "entered a mental state of regeneration." - Anonymous

They call it "fell asleep" but it should be more like "entered a mental state of regeneration."

Sleep Quotes

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands. - Anonymous

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money. - Anonymous

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you. - Anonymous

If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you.

You can trust your dog to guard your house.

You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.

I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.

I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.

If only common sense were more common. - Anonymous

If only common sense were more common.

I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.

I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

One day my wife's credit card got stolen.

One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life. - Anonymous

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.

I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable. - Anonymous

I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.

I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent. - Anonymous

I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.

Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.

Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.

When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.

When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.

Sayings

Does anyone else have plastic bags full of plastic bags or is it just me? - Anonymous

Does anyone else have plastic bags full of plastic bags or is it just me?

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. - Anonymous

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot. - Anonymous

My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot.

Work Quotes

My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. - Anonymous

My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.

Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today. - Anonymous

Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today.

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. - Anonymous

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here. - Anonymous

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny. - Anonymous

Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.

That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man." - Anonymous

That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man."