Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart. - Anonymous

Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart.

Don't worry about what to wear today, your smile goes with any clothes. - Anonymous

Don't worry about what to wear today, your smile goes with any clothes.

When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.

When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy. - Anonymous

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. - Anonymous

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people. - Anonymous

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

If Facebook has taught us anything it's that a lot of people aren't quite ready for a spelling bee. - Anonymous

If Facebook has taught us anything it's that a lot of people aren't quite ready for a spelling bee.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. - Anonymous

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.' - Anonymous

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.'

Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection!

Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection!

Marriage Quotes

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

Life Quotes

What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.

What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.

Stupid Quotes

I only want one thing from fake people: distance. - Anonymous

I only want one thing from fake people: distance.

Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I was hungry, and that's what happened to all your chocolate. - Anonymous

Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I was hungry, and that's what happened to all your chocolate.

Eat Quotes

I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad! - Anonymous

I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize. - Anonymous

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize.

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy. - Anonymous

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy.

Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? - Anonymous

Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?

Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn't stop the rain but allows us to keep going.

Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn't stop the rain but allows us to keep going.

Sayings

When I find it, I don't need it. When I need it, I can't find it.

Short Quotes

Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday. - Anonymous

Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Work Quotes

Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape. - Anonymous

Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. - Anonymous

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.

I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before. - Anonymous

I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before.