Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Life Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

$Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there. - Anonymous$

Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.

Life Quotes Math Quotes Top 100

I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape. - Anonymous

I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape.

Lazy Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them. - Anonymous

I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them.

Know Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.

Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Statements

I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.

I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Think Quotes

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely! - Anonymous

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Life Quotes Short Quotes Think Quotes

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

Eat Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. - Anonymous

My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour.

Analogies Short Quotes Top 100

You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach. - Anonymous

You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach.

Eat Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

Life Quotes People Quotes Top 100

They call it "fell asleep" but it should be more like "entered a mental state of regeneration." - Anonymous

They call it "fell asleep" but it should be more like "entered a mental state of regeneration."

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

Math Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. - Anonymous

You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.

Know Quotes Lazy Quotes Never Quotes

Do you have a band-aid, because I just scraped my knee falling in love with you. - Anonymous

Do you have a band-aid, because I just scraped my knee falling in love with you.

Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling.

Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious. - Anonymous

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people. - Anonymous

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

Know Quotes People Quotes Stupid Quotes

Always run away from temptations... but slowly, so they can catch up to you. - Anonymous

Always run away from temptations... but slowly, so they can catch up to you.

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again! - Anonymous

I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!

Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection!

Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection!

Marriage Quotes

When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.

When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.

Sleep Quotes Top 100 Work Quotes

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't like the thought of being gone so long!

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't like the thought of being gone so long!

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. - Anonymous

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.

Facebook Love Quotes People Quotes

A toy that can't be broken can be used to break other toys.

A toy that can't be broken can be used to break other toys.

Sayings Short Quotes