Dear phone, if you didn't light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly!
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable. Anonymous
Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them? Anonymous
If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline. Anonymous
Dear auto-correct, that's not what I was trying to say. I'm getting tired of your shirt. Anonymous
Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected! Anonymous
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there. Anonymous
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. Steven Alexander Wright
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Alexander Wright
Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway! CoolFunnyQuotes.com
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does! Anonymous
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' Anonymous
According to Archimedes' principle, what happens when you jump in a bathtub full of water? Answer: The phone rings. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! Anonymous
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite. Anonymous