Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

What if there was no Google? Good question.. I'll have to Google it.

Questions Short Quotes

He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!"

He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this sidewalk is icy!"

Love Quotes Stupid Quotes

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. - Anonymous

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Analogies Sleep Quotes Top 100

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking. - Anonymous

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.

Drinking Stupid Quotes Think Quotes

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. - Anonymous

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

Animals Top 100

When someone doesn't like something, it's often because they're not familiar with it, or they're too familiar with it.

When someone doesn't like something, it's often because they're not familiar with it, or they're too familiar with it.

Analogies Sayings Top 100

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. - Anonymous

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Sayings Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

I only check my voice mail to get rid of the annoying little icon. - Anonymous

I only check my voice mail to get rid of the annoying little icon.

Sayings Short Quotes Statements

When someone asks where you see yourself in 5 years... Buddy, I'm just trying to make it to Friday. - Anonymous

When someone asks where you see yourself in 5 years... Buddy, I'm just trying to make it to Friday.

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver. - Anonymous

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.

People Quotes Sayings Sleep Quotes

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. - Anonymous

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

Friend Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Friendship is like peeing on yourself.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Analogies Friend Quotes Top 100

I'm off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky. - Anonymous

I'm off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes Wise Quotes

If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave. - Anonymous

If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.

Life Quotes Sayings Stupid Quotes

I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.

I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.

Animals Dog Quotes Think Quotes

Learning a foreign language is pointless, I’m not even allowed to talk to strangers. - Anonymous

Learning a foreign language is pointless, I’m not even allowed to talk to strangers.

Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart. - Anonymous

Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart.

Friend Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. - Anonymous

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Facebook TV Quotes Time Quotes

I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run. - Anonymous

I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.

Exercise Quotes Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.

I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.

Know Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! - Anonymous

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Know Quotes Never Quotes Time Quotes

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest. - Anonymous

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza. - Anonymous

There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.

Know Quotes Life Quotes People Quotes

Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing! - Anonymous

Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!

Love Quotes Sayings Short Quotes