Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny. - Anonymous

Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.

Tell me what is your dream job? In my dreams I don't work. - Anonymous

Tell me what is your dream job? In my dreams I don't work.

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. - Anonymous

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.

Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else?

Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else?

If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.

If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job. - Anonymous

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand. - Anonymous

If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand.

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out... I mean, don't they have thoughts? - Anonymous

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out... I mean, don't they have thoughts?

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither! - Anonymous

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither!

I love my computer because all my friends live inside it! - Anonymous

I love my computer because all my friends live inside it!

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap. - Anonymous

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge. - Anonymous

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge.

I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.

I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. - Anonymous

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart. - Anonymous

Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart.

Don't worry about what to wear today, your smile goes with any clothes. - Anonymous

Don't worry about what to wear today, your smile goes with any clothes.

When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.

When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.

Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. - Anonymous

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number. - Anonymous

Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people. - Anonymous

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired? - Anonymous

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.' - Anonymous

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.'

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. - Anonymous

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.