Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

"Made with love," means I licked the spoon and kept using it. - Anonymous

"Made with love," means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap. - Anonymous

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Don't make me laugh, I'm trying to be mad at you. - Anonymous

Don't make me laugh, I'm trying to be mad at you.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? - Anonymous

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

Questions

I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits." - Anonymous

I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits."

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. - Anonymous

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries! - Anonymous

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!

If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand. - Anonymous

If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand.

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master. - Anonymous

That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.

Moments

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. - Anonymous

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.

Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else?

Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else?

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job. - Anonymous

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.

If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.

If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.

All my bills say "Outstanding." I guess I am good to go. - Anonymous

All my bills say "Outstanding." I guess I am good to go.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth. - Anonymous

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out... I mean, don't they have thoughts? - Anonymous

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out... I mean, don't they have thoughts?

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither! - Anonymous

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither!

I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.

I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.

I love my computer because all my friends live inside it! - Anonymous

I love my computer because all my friends live inside it!

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge. - Anonymous

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired? - Anonymous

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. - Anonymous

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart. - Anonymous

Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart.