Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Animals Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going. - Anonymous

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.

Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Men are like bank accounts.<br/>
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest. - Anonymous

Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

Analogies Money Quotes

My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.

My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.

Life Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute. - Anonymous

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.

Never Quotes People Quotes Phone

I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best ones argon.

I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best ones argon.

Short Quotes Wise Quotes Witty Quotes

I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples. - Anonymous

I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples.

Know Quotes Sayings

Shopping is the only exercise I need. - Anonymous

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

I don't always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don't know exactly what they do. - Anonymous

I don't always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don't know exactly what they do.

Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom. - Anonymous

Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom.

Life Quotes Questions Short Quotes

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning. - Anonymous

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

Life Quotes Sleep Quotes Time Quotes

"Made with love," means I licked the spoon and kept using it. - Anonymous

"Made with love," means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

Did a cartwheel the other day, thinking it was like riding a bike. It's not. - Anonymous

Did a cartwheel the other day, thinking it was like riding a bike. It's not.

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Don't make me laugh, I'm trying to be mad at you. - Anonymous

Don't make me laugh, I'm trying to be mad at you.

Moments Short Quotes

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? - Anonymous

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy. - Anonymous

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

Lazy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits." - Anonymous

I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits."

Facebook Friend Quotes Top 100

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. - Anonymous

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries! - Anonymous

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes Wise Quotes

If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand. - Anonymous

If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand.

Eat Quotes Know Quotes Questions

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

Facebook Man Quotes Marriage Quotes

That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master. - Anonymous

That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. - Anonymous

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.

Facebook Love Quotes People Quotes

Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else?

Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else?

Love Quotes Questions Short Quotes

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job. - Anonymous

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.

Questions Work Quotes