A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.
Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.
Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.
I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best ones argon.
I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples.
Shopping is the only exercise I need.
I don't always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don't know exactly what they do.
Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom.
I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.
"Made with love," means I licked the spoon and kept using it.
Did a cartwheel the other day, thinking it was like riding a bike. It's not.
Don't make me laugh, I'm trying to be mad at you.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.
I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits."
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!
If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand.
I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.
That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else?
Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2019