A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.
I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays.
Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day.
The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.
The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run!
Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?
I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg.
I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits."
Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.
I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone.
New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.
If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.
Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!
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