Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice. - Anonymous

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Sayings

There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.

There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.

Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to score properly!

Stupid Quotes

I would go out of my mind, but I can't find the exit. - Anonymous

I would go out of my mind, but I can't find the exit.

Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money. - Anonymous

Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money.

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

Moments

Me: I am so glad I saved all this money. Me again: It's time to spend it, you know you want to. - Anonymous

Me: I am so glad I saved all this money. Me again: It's time to spend it, you know you want to.

Money Quotes

Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix. - Anonymous

Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.

As your best friend I'll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing. - Anonymous

As your best friend I'll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing.

Friend Quotes

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working. - Anonymous

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

The only relationship I have is with my Wi-Fi. We have a connection. - Anonymous

The only relationship I have is with my Wi-Fi. We have a connection.

I'm off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky. - Anonymous

I'm off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there. - Anonymous

Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I already want to take a nap tomorrow. - Anonymous

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself. - Anonymous

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.

I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today. - Anonymous

I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today.

I didn't like my beard at first... then it grew on me. - Anonymous

I didn't like my beard at first... then it grew on me.

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life. - Anonymous

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Exercise Quotes

I haven't tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor.. so I'm sure I wouldn't like Yoga. - Anonymous

I haven't tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor.. so I'm sure I wouldn't like Yoga.

Lazy Quotes

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing. - Anonymous

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing.

Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.

Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver. - Anonymous

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won't feel like you are lonely any more. - Anonymous

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won't feel like you are lonely any more.

Life Quotes