Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.

I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.

Know Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. - Anonymous

I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day. - Anonymous

Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day.

Exercise Quotes Life Quotes

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs...

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

Drinking Man Quotes Sayings

The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run! - Anonymous

The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run!

Sayings Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg.

I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg.

Short Quotes Statements

I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits." - Anonymous

I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits."

Facebook Friend Quotes Top 100

Men are like bank accounts.<br/>
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest. - Anonymous

Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

Analogies Money Quotes

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment. - Anonymous

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Life Quotes Love Quotes Moments

I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone. - Anonymous

I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone.

People Quotes Phone

Near year 2013, resolutions you can keep.

New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.

Eat Quotes Exercise Quotes Stupid Quotes

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Happy Quotes Marriage Quotes Short Quotes

A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.

A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.

Beer Quotes Drinking Life Quotes

When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.

When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.

Happy Quotes Know Quotes Life Quotes

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! - Anonymous

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!

Animals TV Quotes Top 100

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? - Anonymous

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Love Quotes Questions Short Quotes

Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.

Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.

Math Quotes Moments People Quotes

I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent. - Anonymous

I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.

Drinking Statements

If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline. - Anonymous

If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.

Phone Witty Quotes

Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. - Anonymous

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Money Quotes Stupid Quotes

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. - Anonymous

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

Friend Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles. - Anonymous

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Analogies Math Quotes Short Quotes

Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing! - Anonymous

Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!

Love Quotes Sayings Short Quotes