I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
Next week I'm going on a diet, you can buy me jewelry instead of chocolate.
My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy.
I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.
If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.
Jack Adams
Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.
Being a beaver is nice, if you're hungry you just eat a piece of your home.
How does a train eat? Chew, Chew...
If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.
Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.
I eat cake because it's someone's birthday somewhere today.
My hobbies include eating and complaining that I've gained too much weight.
I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
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