A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
My windows aren't dirty, my dog is painting.
I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars.
You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.
Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.
Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.
Always run away from temptations... but slowly, so they can catch up to you.
Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah.
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.
So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.
Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.
I don't understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't like the thought of being gone so long!
When nothing is going right, go left.
I stretch my arms, I bend my knees, I straighten my neck, and they are all crunching. Conclusion: I'm not getting older, I'm getting more crunchy.
When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don't answer because I'm eating.
Been there done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
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