Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! - Anonymous

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!

If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running. - Anonymous

If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running.

Sayings

With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. - Anonymous

With great power comes an even greater electricity bill.

Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah. - Anonymous

Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah.

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe. - Anonymous

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

just once I'd like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal. - Anonymous

just once I'd like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Wise Quotes

The only sure way to make a computer go faster is to throw it out the window. - Anonymous

The only sure way to make a computer go faster is to throw it out the window.

Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.

Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed. - Anonymous

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed.

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready. - Anonymous

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Short Quotes

My windows aren't dirty, my dog is painting. - Anonymous

My windows aren't dirty, my dog is painting.

What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute! - Anonymous

What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute!

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.

I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars. - Anonymous

I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars.

You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. - Anonymous

You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious. - Anonymous

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Eat Quotes

Always run away from temptations... but slowly, so they can catch up to you. - Anonymous

Always run away from temptations... but slowly, so they can catch up to you.

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. - Anonymous

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.

When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't like the thought of being gone so long!

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't like the thought of being gone so long!