Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

You come from dust and you'll return to dust, so that's why I never dust. It could be someone I know. Anonymous

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck. Anonymous

Short Quotes

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word. Anonymous

Short Quotes

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Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to run in and grab a 36-pack of toilet paper as soon as the store opens. This message will auto-flush in 5 seconds. Anonymous

When I say I miss school, I mean my friends and fun. Not the school. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Short Quotes

Good morning self-isolation inmates! Anyone know how much vodka goes in scrambled eggs? Anonymous

Eat Quotes Good Quotes

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it. Anonymous

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It's dead yarn now though. Anonymous

Life Quotes

When I say "Good night," I'm just sending you off to bed, I'm not going to sleep! Anonymous

Sleep Quotes

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says "Smell this," it usually smells nice. Anonymous

Life Quotes Man Quotes

When I take a shower I'm: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions. Anonymous

Life Quotes

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It's called being hungry. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds. Anonymous

Work Quotes

If zombies ever attack, just go to Costco. They have strong walls, years of food supplies, and Zombies can't get in because they don't have a membership card. Anonymous

Life always has it's ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy. Anonymous

Anonymous Funny Quotes

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