A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.
It snowed so much last night that this morning my backyard was full of penguins.
I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
I hope we're good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.
If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?
It's alright if you don't agree with me... I can't force you to be right.
When I stare at the sky, I see you. When I stare out into the ocean, I see you. When I'm looking at the moon, I see you. Geez! Would you move aside, you're constantly getting in my way!
Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.
Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.
Today I started gardening... I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.
I don't like violence but I don't mind if I get hit by luck.
I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.
If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.
4 out 3 people struggle with math.
A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games.
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
You're never too old to do goofy stuff.
Never ask a starfish for directions.
The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it's a potato with fur.
Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.
You have Facebook? Yup. You have Whatsapp? Yup. You have love? Forgot to install it.
Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck.
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