Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

I'm stuck between "I need to save money" and "You only live once." - Anonymous

I'm stuck between "I need to save money" and "You only live once."

Life Quotes Money Quotes Short Quotes

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

People Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars. - Anonymous

I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars.

Life Quotes Money Quotes Short Quotes

I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. - Anonymous

I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.

Know Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

The alphabet begins with ABC, numbers begin with 123, music begins with do-re-mi, and friendship begins with you and me.

The alphabet begins with ABC, numbers begin with 123, music begins with do-re-mi, and friendship begins with you and me.

Friend Quotes Top 100

True love is truly amazing only when it's truly true. - Anonymous

True love is truly amazing only when it's truly true.

Love Quotes Short Quotes Welcome to CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you're hungry, and want to stay that way. - Anonymous

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you're hungry, and want to stay that way.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

Me: For the first time in life, things seem to be getting better.

Me: For the first time in life, things seem to be getting better. :)
Life: LOL, give me a second!

Life Quotes Time Quotes

I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.

I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.

Animals Dog Quotes Think Quotes

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. - Anonymous

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Be warned: I'm bored. This could get dangerous. - Anonymous

Be warned: I'm bored. This could get dangerous.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right. - Anonymous

I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Never Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I'd take a nerf bullet for you. - Anonymous

I'd take a nerf bullet for you.

Love Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Want someone to stop texting you? Send back 'SERVICE ERROR 305: DELIVERY FAILED, FURTHER MESSAGES WILL BE CHARGED AT A RATE OF $1 PER MESSAGE TO YOUR ACCOUNT." - Anonymous

Want someone to stop texting you? Send back 'SERVICE ERROR 305: DELIVERY FAILED, FURTHER MESSAGES WILL BE CHARGED AT A RATE OF $1 PER MESSAGE TO YOUR ACCOUNT."

Dear Humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet.

Dear humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet. Sincerely, The Library.

Computers Internet Top 100

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off. - Anonymous

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Statements Top 100

Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom. - Anonymous

Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom.

Life Quotes Questions Short Quotes

Me: "I need help around here!" Then me again "No, not like that, here I'll do it." - Anonymous

Me: "I need help around here!" Then me again "No, not like that, here I'll do it."

Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed. - Anonymous

Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed.

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won't judge you.

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going. - Anonymous

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.

Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

Marriage Quotes Short Quotes

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved. - Anonymous

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Math Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

My decision making skills are as good as a squirrel that's crossing the street. - Anonymous

My decision making skills are as good as a squirrel that's crossing the street.

Analogies Short Quotes Top 100