Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it's a potato with fur. - Anonymous

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it's a potato with fur.

When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. - Anonymous

When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess.

I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.

I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.

Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.

Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you. - Anonymous

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Friend Quotes

It's alright if you don't agree with me... I can't force you to be right. - Anonymous

It's alright if you don't agree with me... I can't force you to be right.

You have Facebook? Yup. You have Whatsapp? Yup. You have love? Forgot to install it. - Anonymous

You have Facebook? Yup. You have Whatsapp? Yup. You have love? Forgot to install it.

Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck. - Anonymous

Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck.

Witty Quotes

Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.

Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.

I wonder, we lazy people go to heaven... or do they send someone to pick us up? - Anonymous

I wonder, we lazy people go to heaven... or do they send someone to pick us up?

Never ask a starfish for directions. - Anonymous

Never ask a starfish for directions.

We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.

We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

For 2019 I wish you 12 months of happiness, 52 weeks of fun, 365 days of success, 8760 hours of great health and 525600 lucky minutes! Happy New Year! - Anonymous

For 2019 I wish you 12 months of happiness, 52 weeks of fun, 365 days of success, 8760 hours of great health and 525600 lucky minutes! Happy New Year!

Please God, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me. - Anonymous

Please God, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

When nothing is going right, go left. - Anonymous

When nothing is going right, go left.

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. - Anonymous

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time ago? - Anonymous

Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time ago?

Questions

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them. - Anonymous

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! - Anonymous

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!

If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running. - Anonymous

If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running.

Sayings

With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. - Anonymous

With great power comes an even greater electricity bill.

Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah. - Anonymous

Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah.

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe. - Anonymous

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.