A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say 'How to Build a Boat.'
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
George W. Bush
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ?
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.
What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
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