If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.
Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up.
There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!'
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.
I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.
Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.
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