Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.
Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'? Anonymous
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. Anonymous
Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light. Anonymous
You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong. Anonymous
Retirement is great, you get to be your own boss and tell yourself to do nothing all day. Anonymous