I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
I didn't find out what happiness means until I got married... and then it was too late. Anonymous
Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion. Anonymous
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Anonymous
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account. Anonymous
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me! Anonymous
I'm going to open a new Facebook account named 'Anonymous' so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me!
Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook. Anonymous
There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link. Anonymous
Tried going out with my girlfriend but by the time she finished putting on her makeup the weekend was over. Anonymous
If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook. Anonymous
Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more. Anonymous
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life. Anonymous
Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary. Anonymous
If Facebook has taught us anything it's that a lot of people aren't quite ready for a spelling bee. Anonymous
It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. Anonymous
You have Facebook? Yup. You have Whatsapp? Yup. You have love? Forgot to install it. Anonymous
I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." Anonymous