The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.
Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection!
What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.
A girl called me once and said "come over, nobody is home!" I went there and she was right, nobody was home!
When a man gets close to a woman wearing a leather mini-skirt, his heart starts beating faster, his throat gets dry, his knees get weak and he becomes irrational.. Why? Because the leather smells like a new car.
If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.
I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Rita Mae Brown
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.
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