Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
The road to success is always under construction.
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.
The best revenge is massive success.
The secret of success is to go from mistake to mistake without losing your enthusiasm.
When a man gets close to a woman wearing a leather mini-skirt, his heart starts beating faster, his throat gets dry, his knees get weak and he becomes irrational.. Why? Because the leather smells like a new car.
If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut.
I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.
Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money.
I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.
The older I get, the less surprised I'd be if a random body part just fell off one day.
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park.
If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
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