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A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

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Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?

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I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."

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Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.

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I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car.

Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!

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I'm sorry officer but I can't stop speeding... the earth is spinning way over the speed limit in this zone.

I'm sorry officer but I can't stop speeding... the earth is spinning way over the speed limit in this zone.

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When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'

Why are you waiting so long to report your stolen car to the police? I'm giving them time to fix it.

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If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!

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You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

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Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

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