I might get a job cleaning mirrors. It's definitely a job I can see myself doing.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection!
Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.
I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".
Hate your job? Join our support group! It’s called EVERYBODY. We meet at the bar.
Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.
If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.
I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
There's just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work.
Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.
Interviewer: Would you say you are independent? Me: *looks at mum*, *mum nods* Me: I'd say so, yes.
Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.
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