When someone asks where you see yourself in 5 years... Buddy, I'm just trying to make it to Friday.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
There's just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.
I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".
If it's the fifth day in a row that you don't feel like working, it means it's finally Friday!
Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.
I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays.
Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?
Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.
Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it's only Thursday.
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work.
Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.
Interviewer: Would you say you are independent? Me: *looks at mum*, *mum nods* Me: I'd say so, yes.
How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
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