Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.
If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.
As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.
What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.
This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
William Charles Dement
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2020