Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.
I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".
I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you."
Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.
There's just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work.
Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.
Interviewer: Would you say you are independent? Me: *looks at mum*, *mum nods* Me: I'd say so, yes.
How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.
When someone asks where you see yourself in 5 years... Buddy, I'm just trying to make it to Friday.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
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