The traffic is so slow today that I read two books, ate lunch, dinner, replied to all my emails, and I still haven't got to work yet.
More Quotes by Anonymous
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
When is the longer way always better than the shorter one? When you're a taxi driver.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'
Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
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